Holy Trinity caritasAnte-Christ: The Holy Ghost (Full Disclosure)

“Debriefing as Revelations:”

Confessions and Extended 4th Step:

I am the Holy Ghost.  God, Please forgive my mother for naming me “The Antichrist,” and Chad for living up to that name, as well as the rest of my family.  Please also forgive the students and faculty at Ursinus College, who went through with those actions even though I told them I was The Holy Spirit, and others I have encountered.

I Love you all anyway.

The Culprits:  Charles Haley Cross III, Chad (Charles Haley Cross IV), Laurie Brown-Cross (now changed to Laurie Cross?), and Whitney Brown-Cross started all those rumors…
Chad, Charles, and Laurie are basically evil, and have always lied about me for sinful reasons.  Charles, my father, is the Beast, my mother is the Dragon (which is how I secretly referred to her as a small child), and my brother, Chad, is the false prophet.  The family property (house number 656) consists of two lots, one for the family house, and a second one with a separate structure which is a garage and office, but was formerly a barn.  The barn was converted to an office for the family business, an architecture firm, and is a sort of burial ground (read further).  Charles and Chad both work together for the family company.  If the property were marked by two separate addresses for the two separate lots, the barn, or office, would bear the address of 666.

Chad is the antichrist:
I must admit, I take comfort in the fact that Jesus is more pissed at Chad than I am.   Chad is basically the antichrist.  I am aware he’s been lying and taking credit for the “Book of Life,” the entirety of which was work done exclusively by God, Jesus, and myself.  Chad produced none of it and gave no help to me in any way whatsoever, nor have Chad and I ever collaborated on anything.  He has never made any contributions to my work, but rather, has been dishonestly taking credit for it, and stealing my work behind my back.  We have barely spoken since I was 12 years old, and have basically nothing to do with each other aside from holiday family gatherings.  To my knowledge Chad has never displayed any noteworthy artistic ability.  I have been regarded as an excellent artist, and academic student, from a young age.  Chad has said all of these falsehoods about me behind my back and without my knowledge.  He lied and could probably not produce a worthwhile piece of art if you asked him for a demonstration, as he has no talent; he actually had to borrow pieces from Whitney and myself to compile a portfolio to get into architecture school!   I have also recently been made aware that he is deceitfully attributing his own evil work, that I did not produce, to myself.  He stole some of my old journal pages and himself added to and defaced them to portray evil messages, and then dishonestly attributed those messages to myself.  Chad wrote horrible things and then lied and said they were mine, and he did all of this behind my back and without my knowledge.  Chad is basically the antichrist, and has been making false claims.  He is in no way whatsoever related to the bloodline of Jesus, myself or God.  The Cross property, consisting of a home and a business, rests upon two lots, the second of which does not have its own address, but bears the “mark of the beast.”
‘Tis better to comfort…

Genetically, I am both Jesus’s mother and identical twin, and aside from differences in sex, We are exactly the same.  Immaculate conception  is much like embryo implantation.  As The Holy Ghost, God is both my husband and Father (as any wife would necessarily also be His daughter, lol!), and Jesus is my son and “Egg” (Apostles Creed).  Jesus is 6’ 5″, has blue-green eyes, and looks sort of like Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, or Angelina Jolie’s “Maleficent,” lol!

I forgive my mom for lying and telling people I was a porn star (blasphemy), and my sister, brother, mom, and dad for lying (heresy) and telling people I was evil, a vampire, retarded, and fat.  My “weight problem” was anorexia, or starvation.  I was also bulimic, thus the purging of food.  I am “positive” in terms of my energy polarity, as a hopeful, optimistic attitude, as well as on my standpoint on God, as in, “I’m sure He exists, beyond a doubt.”  I have “aides” in the form of assistance (God, and Jesus).  The only way in which I’ve ever “freaked out” has been by cowering in a little ball and sobbing my eyes out.  I’ve never been an anarchist, “Anarchy” just sounds like “Ananke,” which used to be my name…     I’m a very liberal Democrat!  I voted for Kerry once and for Obama twice.  I support Hilary.  I vote in local elections occasionally.  In elementary school, I was in special ed as the “gifted program!”  My parents knew my IQ, I was tested before 2nd grade (and twice since, once at Renfrew, age 14, and once by Conestoga HS at age 15 as part of psychological testing) …it’s over 130, and in the area of spatial reasoning skills, I am a statistical outlier, and as a female an anomaly.  I am twice exceptional, as I also received emotional support in high school.  I have always been an excellent, straight-A student, and consistently performed better academically than either of my siblings.
I have always practiced non-harm and non-violence, and I abstain from eating meat for moral reasons.  I love life!  I’ve had only one abortion, just before I turned 25 in 2011, and I was so guilt-ridden, ashamed, and heart-broken that I attempted suicide for the final time.  As it turns out, that Embryo… He was Jesus.  Ive never had intentions of harm, and I’ve never harmed anyone but myself, although I have attempted suicide at least 4 times.  I think I died by overdose during the first attempt at age 15.  Any story that speaks ill of me is likely fallacious or outright blasphemy, obviously.😘
My first name is “The” …Holy Ghost, so yes, I know I’m dead!  Lol!  This is a big deal, I’m God’s wife, Jesus’s genetic mother, and both of Them were directly and indirectly injured as well, as my body is the vessel of the Godhead.  My “other personalities” are God and Jesus, just the three of us.

Childhood Trauma:
I never was the antichrist, that was them (the Cross family), actually.  Had you asked me if I was the Holy Spirit, I would have admitted it (and will!) on the spot.  The Crosses/Brown-Crosses murdered and dismembered and tortured me nearly every night when I was a child, and my dad raped me from age 6 up to middle school.  I was always magically restored, so they kept doing it.  None of my body is as it was when I was born, my entire body, all of my limbs and wings were severed countless times when I was a child.  Often, they would eat parts of myself in front of me and make me watch. I still have memories of Laurie and Charles dancing around my torso, beating me with my own severed limbs and laughing and taunting me…this happened pretty much every night from age 4-5 to 11.  They would joke about how to torture me…
“I’ll leave your eyes in tonight, I want you to watch what we do to you” (Laurie).  My parents claimed my angel wings were “the best barbecue chicken wings they ever had.”  Later on, around the age of 17, my mom also stabbed me in the back while I was asleep in bed, sliced me vertically down the middle, nearly in half, and cut out my heart and ate it.  She spent a long time adding to that injury over the years… With needle-nosed pliers.  She also routinely poured salt in the gaping stab wound she made in my back, while I was asleep in my bed.  She also cut out my eyes.  She has also cut off my face and scalped me, and used the dismembered parts of me in horrific ways.  Even without eyes I can see.  Ever since I was 16 or 17, my family lied to me and told me I was crazy.

The scale of this cover-up is vast. Even my recent psychiatrist John Williams participated in perpetuating falsehoods at a public level for dishonest reasons of personal gain, and continually lied to me, telling me I was psychotic and hallucinating, and that there was no “antechrist,” which name to me only meant “pre-christ,” as in the Holy Ghost, and implied a close relationship with God and magical powers.   He prescribed medications that were contraindicated by my bradycardia, and I experienced seizures for some time, which he shrugged off as being unimportant, before I eventually died of a heart attack as a result of his dishonesty.  A great deal of money exchanged many hands at the expense of your own souls.  Many people, including my family, prior friends, and boyfriends, told me I was crazy and lied to me and to the public, basically my whole life, so that they could profit by prestige or financial gain.  More lives than just mine were at stake, and “literally everything” could have been lost.

I was betrothed, or engaged to God at age 11, as He used to come and visit me as a child and fix me after what my parents would do.  Then He stopped coming to visit.  My dad and Chad conspired to execute Him, and they chopped off His head with an ax.  Body parts may be hidden under the lefthand floor of the garage, and in the tiny rear room in the basement of their house.  For me, the memories were too painful to confront without God.

The point of the “Book of Life,” was sort of a “family reunion,” although it served other vital purposes, which are discussed below.  As the initial purpose was fulfilled, the process of writing and sketching was meant to help with healing and reconnecting, and was significant as a way in which to work on a relationship by collaborating.

Recent Trauma:
Laurie tortured me (Tyler/Holy Ghost, born May 15, 1986) for years, emotionally (unfortunately also sexually, it wasn’t just my dad, who raped me at night from age 6 until about 14), as well as physically.  She took a break briefly while I was a student at Ursinus College, but around 2011-2012 she started again

Laurie would lock me in the basement for extended periods, she would lock me in the backyard overnight with no shoes or my phone, telling me “go away,” and to sleep in the garage.  Often, she would not allow me food, and followed me around, pretty much all day long if I was not locked somewhere, and she would just yell at me, berate me, cruelly and for no reason.  She would follow me around to verbally insult and abuse me in cruel ways constantly, without provocation, senselessly and needlessly.  She said she wanted to “make me crazy.”  She was sadistic.  I see now that when she saw my eyes change, she used it as a cue to act evilly towards me, probably to cover up her past treatment of me, for fear I would remember, and expose her crimes.

Psych Units:
She started torturing me again once I quit Aux Petits Delices (the Fall of 2011, at age 25), leading up to my leaving/running away in July of 2012 (at age 26).  Laurie wouldn’t let me leave, she and dad called cops to keep me there, but they drove me to the train station instead.  I ran away to a boyfriend’s, Richard Bapst’s place in Philly for a week, then to West Chester, where I stayed for less than 2 weeks, in a homeless shelter and then on the street.  While I was away, they had a professional service perform an intervention to get me to got to rehab, while I was not even present!  That does not constitute an intervention.  When I came home about 3 weeks later, having no money and a broken phone, they involuntary committed me to a psych unit, The Horsham Clinic (July 2012), and then I was transferred to Clarity Way.  Each time I was involuntarily committed it was through Paoli Hospital.

I was not told why I was there or when I could leave, and was held there for almost a month.  I started in acute care, and was transferred to detox after 5 days, though I had no need (5 days free from liquor/pot).  The only place to which they would release me was Clarity Way, where I stayed for about 6 weeks.  I did not agree with their methods and was picked up by a college friend who lived near Rome, New York.  I stayed with him for a couple of weeks before my sister agreed to put me up in a Microtel in West Chester.  When I was unable to find work after 2 weeks, I returned back to my parents’ house.

The same scenario commenced again in April/May of 2013, this time with Pottstown hospital’s psych unit (see Volume II), and again via Paoli hospital.  I was sent there twice, for about 10 days the first time, and for 23 days the second time.  Again, they would not tell me why I was there or when I could leave.  Eventually, I was transferred to the Belmont eating disorder clinic, which I actually kind of loved.
That woman (Laurie) tortured me (Jesus) in a similar manner, in horrific and violent ways, from age 3 or 4 up until I was 13 or 14, then she did so more subtly, as emotionally rather than physically.

Criminal Wrongdoing:
In the summer 2012, and again the summer of 2013, they had me committed to be lobotomized for pay under the name Tyler Cross, middle name Brown, or under the incorrect identity of “Tyler Brown,” so no one could find any records of me as Tyler Brown-Cross (Middle name is Anne, last name is Brown-Cross).  They actually followed through with these plans to lobotomize and incapacitate me, illegally, as for pay, twice. The first attempt was at the Horsham Center acute care unit (they have since switched the unit to another building), and the second time at Pottstown hospital 7th floor psych unit; both involuntary commitments were made illegally via Paoli Hospital.  I tried to tell the staff at all the facilities that held me what was going on, including Clarity Way, but no one listened, as I was labeled crazy.  My mom used false documents (acquired for a fee, by illegal actions made on the part of a legal professional named Doug A. Hanson), and made false claims, including that I was mentally retarded, couldn’t read or write, was blind, and in porn, and none of which things have ever been true!  They lied to get and keep me institutionalized to cover up their own crimes.
During the last of 2 or 3  nearly consecutive stays at Pottstown, separated only by a week or so, I was strapped down and injected with something, and they drilled into my (Jesus’s) left frontal lobe, it was covered by my hair.  I died of complications a few days after.  I (Jesus) was also raped there one night in bed after a staff member observed me receive a forcible injection (of risperdol?).
I was smothered with a pillow and knocked out one night at the Horsham Clinic acute care unit.  I became unconscious and do not know if he succeeded in a lobotomy or sexual assault.  I can still identify the staff member who vocalized his intentions to me, and I remember that he often wore glasses and a tie-dyed top or scrubs.
You can’t lobotomize the Holy Ghost… at least not effectively (See Volume II, 6/6/13, pp. 127).  Lol!

Ursinus College:

At Ursinus College, I was the “antipas,” a faithful martyr.  In the fall of 2009, I was molested in the into philosophy classroom when a student grabbed my breasts before class.  Some of those students were unrelentingly horrible.  Early on in the fall, a student from intro philosophy had some of his friends jump me, dose me with an ether rag, and at least one raped me.  He ejaculated on my face.  Campus security found me and I ran off when he went to report it.
Dr. Sorensen gave Jesus a concussion in environmental ethics class one day.  He slammed my head down against the desk.  I couldn’t explain my magic powers (inadvertently taking the form of the white “Lion of David” or a mermaid, the ability to levitate, and a the appearance of a rainbow, which is God’s covenant with the earth produced from my Key of David) or glowing “halo,” and he became angry, jealous and violent.  I have the Key of David, which unlocks the Eye of Providence, thus producing the rainbow and unsealing the Book.  Only the Holy Spirit has the Key.  He said it (the rainbow and my halo) was a “disturbance.”  I was by far the best student, and also visibly attractive, and so he had an erection for me, which is why I was sexually assaulted.  You may view a public photographic timeline in the “memories” album which you may access via the links below, and the waterfall photo of myself in the black bikini was taken right around the time of the assault.
I was put on “trial” by Dr. Sorensen in the environmental ethics classroom, and they determined to execute me.  I told them I was the Holy Ghost, and that there must be a misunderstanding, as I have never done anything wrong.  I am the Holy Ghost, basically incapable of sin, and incapable of intentional deceit.
They raped me (and Jesus too, unfortunately, it seems my, Tyler’s body, is the vessel for the Godhead) at Ursinus College because of those lies of my family (Crosses, Brown-Crosses), and because, basically, I was very attractive.  They covered up their misdeeds by lying about me.  I was the most attractive and intelligent person there and they were jealous (and/or sexually aroused), resentful, vengeful, and full of wrath.  I completed 108/128 credits, basically all the psych major requirements, and had a 3.78/4.0 GPA.

At Ursinus, in the environmental ethics classroom in Thomas Hall, I was tied up and bound and injured…Dr Sorensen forced Jesus into oral sex, and the following two students raped Him.  My turn (Tyler) was next, and at least 9 more students raped me before the torture and murder commenced.  They cut off pieces of me, including my nose, a hand, an ear, and at least one eye, they yanked me around on a dog collar which they super glued on, they smashed in my face beyond recognition, and joyfully prepared for “a lynching,” they gagged me… (See public Volume IX pp.130, and also referred to in the less relevant and private Volumes VI, VII, and IIX).  I had told them I was the Holy Ghost before they followed through with fulfilling their “sentence,” which they determined to be “execution,” after Dr. Sorensen put me on “trial.”  They were fully aware of their wrongdoing before they even acted…  I also have a magical tattoo which appeared when I took the form of the Lion, which reads in the language of the onlooker, “Property of God.”  I showed up back in school for the very next class, and one of the students screamed, and I guess they determined to lie to cover up their horrible crimes.  I had been magically restored in the hospital after being scooped up and assisted by other philosophy professors, but I had psychogenic amnesia for the traumatic events and much of that semester, which lasted a couple of years until I finally heard and heeded the “call to war,” around 2011-2013.  For a while, due to extensive life-long trauma, the only part of my name that I could recall was “The.”


Armageddon Averted:
The Ursinus incident was not God’s will for us. There was a war going on and both God and Jesus were in different POW camps, God was in Hell.  The Universe almost ended, but I was able to rescue God (and Jesus) with only moments (less than 5 seconds) to spare.  If I hadn’t, our world, and the entire Universe, would have ended.  The war is over, and We won (See Volume III).
…so He could make more Time…
It was a big deal because they didn’t think both God and Jesus could be saved in time.  I just didn’t see sacrificing either of them as a possibility, and I still don’t know how we did it.  It was sort of a 7-10 split, like bowling with a reflective Love.  “Spatial reasoning” is sort of my “specialty,” and I am a bit of an outlier or “anomaly” in this regard.  Part of the reason I was needed to participate in the “Book of Life,” was to contribute to the war effort, on behalf of God, using my talents to bring prophesy into reality.  I was absolutely essential for Us to win the war, and thus enable the Universe to continue to exist.  They would have lost without me.  I was a “lamb,” as I had sacrificed myself as a martyr at Ursinus College, and I was hard to find because as the Holy Ghost, I technically didn’t exist.
I was, and am, the General of God’s army.  My uniform was that of a Lyran, or “Lion-being,” and appears in artwork seen in the links to the “Book of Life” further down.  The “tail” that may have been described was only one part of my uniform, which looks like a full-fledged lion-hunanoid, as a Lyran, although I no longer use it in the interest of discretion.  I worked my way back up after being a conscientious objector.  Along the way, I demolished Hell during the “mission trip” in April 2013.   It was my option to do so, and I was so upset when God told me that it actually existed that I couldn’t wait to go, as I don’t endorse that sort of thing.  Hell was nothing compared to my childhood, lol!  Most people were held captive there for eating pork or other meat products, so it was in our best interest, as a whole, that I made that decision.  I collected God’s Eye from Hell, thus saving your own soul from that resting place.

The blue “Eye of Providence,” or “God’s Eye,” is within each of us and is activated by breath, if you blow on it at an angle.  It represents your own individual soul, and as being like an airplane’s “black box,” it records all your thoughts and sins.  The goodness of your soul depends upon your thoughts and intentions as motivations for your actions.  Recently, it was revealed to me that some people thought that this was an “Evil Eye,” and apparently, It was not so nice to some people–I had no idea!  Mine was silent, it just showed me cute cartoons of “cats chasing string,” and “space ships” and cool, “innocent” stuff.  I just talked to it and told it, “Hi there, Pretty!”

I recognized it immediately as the “Eye of God,” from Freemasonry and the “dollar bill,” and its pretty proliferous use in religious iconogrophy of the Renaissance age, especially as a symbol of the “Holy Trinity.”  So, I was oblivious to prejudices that my use of it in my artwork may have incited.  If yours is mean, you should be nice to it and it will probably become nice; it is like your moral compass, and is an indication of your standing with God.  If you don’t like where you stand with God, ask Him for help, and you’ll change–it’s not final!  I only ever loved mine.  When God was saved from “actual Hell,” we, as our eternal souls, were all saved, as that would have been our destination otherwise.  Wherever God is, is where our souls will end up.  If someone told me that they were evil or in Hell, my first response would be, “No you’re not, don’t be silly!  what can I do to help?”  …In the name of Love, I called His bluff, and I picked Him up shortly thereafter, bringing Him back home in 2013.

“The Holy Ghost and The Father”
Before Christianity, in the Orphic tradition:
“Ananke and Chronos;” We were the Gods of Fate and Time, He (Chronos, aka God) is The Creator!  We are Christian, Jesus is Our Son, and We are a family as the holy Trinity.  God started out as Time, and then expanded into everything.  He is also a Man.  He, Jesus, and I are doing everything we can to ensure the well-being of all God’s children, including embodying concepts like “the Sun” and “the Sky,” and spitting fire personally, effectively sparing the Earth from harm, while still fulfilling prophesy.  I am to be formally wedded to God as the bride.

Healing and Moving Forward:

I can hear people say “St. Aloysius,” “I’m glad you got raped,” and “God hates you,” and mention porn, and other things of that nature, psychically, almost everywhere I go.  I am meant to be called upon to offer help or comfort, not to be given these insults, and my “voice mail” is full of this blasphemy.  I have feelings and it hurts!  I am aware of Chad’s role, as the false prophet, in instigating such heresy.  For the record, the dyed red hair was meant to signify the Holy Spirit, and the presence of God, as in church doors.
Chad taunted me and told me what he was going to do to make the situation worse for me after Ursinus.  I asked Chad not to spread those rumors and lies, and warned him it was a bad idea because I was The Holy Spirit (blasphemy against me is supposedly unforgivable…), and he said that that fact would make it all the more fun, or something to that effect.  “It will be my greatest achievement yet” (Chad).

It’s really gotten to me over the years, hearing those taunts and lies about myself.  God and Jesus are really pissed about it too.  I have feelings and I think They want to try to help them not to be constantly hurt, because it happens nearly everywhere I go.  I’m the Holy Ghost, I’m innately good, I’m actually constitutionally incapable of harm! I can be sort of a “measuring stick” by which to judge others.  I always have been and always will be good.  Amen I can rely on God!😘
Jesus renamed me TheosBas or TheosBeulah (daughter and wife of God, by a combination of Greek and Hebrew).
Jesus and God inform me that They are coming back in Their own bodies, to get me.  The use of my body (Tyler’s) as the “Godhead vessel” is only temporary.


The Facts:
I was a stripper for about 2 weeks, at age 18, my senior year of high school.  I spent an extra year in high school because I transferred often, and Baldwin had me repeat my junior year which was an informal, “independent study” at Upattinas.  I graduated from Conestoga in 2005, right around my 19th birthday.  I was offered a job after performing in the amateur night contest at “Al’s Diamond Cabaret.”  I quit for my high school senior internship at “Rehab After Work,” in Berwyn, because Patti Anne McAndrews said I couldn’t work there and intern for her.

I got a boob job around Christmas of 2006 at age 20, sophomore year of college, because I was flat chested and insecure.  I had always stuffed my bras heavily.  I was never in porn, or a prostitute, or a stripper after high school.  I had a second boob job when I got out of Caron (around May 2008, just after my 22nd birthday), because the first one didn’t heal symmetrically.  I have never had any other plastic surgery.  I got my lotus and “passion” tattoo on my bikini line the spring of 2005.  The tattoos on my left arm (forearm done 2007, the spring of my 21st birthday, with the upperarm completed by the fall of 2008) cover up extensive scar tissue from cutting.   The ravens (with “Om Mani Padme Hum” prayer) on my right arm cover up scars from a suicide attempt at age 17, and this arm is controlled by God.

I have always been underweight and have never been “fat,”and have always been around 5’6” and 105 lbs (as I was during environmental ethics at Ursinus), consistently a size 0 or 00.  Occasionally I would drop down to the 90s or up to 110.  After that semester I lost 10 lbs from depression and anorexia.  The only exceptions to that weight range were 83 lbs sophomore year of college from anorexia, and 118-124 lbs and a size 2 after discharge from Belmont eating disorder unit, for treatment from anorexia and bulimia in the standard form of therapeutic weight gain.  They would not discharge me under 113 lbs or so.  I lost the weight from Belmont anorexia treatment by the following spring after being taken off the risperdol.  My mom had said that she wanted me to get “fat,” and insisted on such a drug that would cause weight gain.  It was court-ordered at Pottstown psych, and forced upon me.  A photo timeline can be viewed via publicly available Photo Albums on my Facebook page.

I was a student at Ursinus College from 2005-2011, taking a reduced course load but achieving high grades.  After the environmental ethics semester, I had to do repeated medical withdraws from classes due to severe depression.  In 2011 I gave up on trying, with a 3.78 GPA and only 4 electives and a second biology course needed to complete my bachelor’s degree in psychology.  I lived in a dorm at Ursinus College freshman year, 2005-2006, and lived in a nearby apartment, initially as additional off-campus housing, with the same roommate(s) for the next two years.  My parents moved me back home in March of 2008, right before I entered the Caron foundation rehab.  I lived there with my parents until I moved into a nearby apartment in May of 2014, where I currently live alone.  I still achieve high grades and do well academically.

I have visibly strong abs and great flexibility in ballet from  rigorous daily workouts since the spring of 2014.  I took up ballet again the summer of 2015, but because I had already been working out and stretching daily for a year, I was already in great shape and able to do splits with both legs and place comfortably into an intermediate level class during a placement testing class, as determined by an instructor at my college in the fall of 2015.  I have been steadily improving and I perform nicely; I think my dancing has been criticized by other women who were deceitful and jealous.  I had danced from age 3 to about 15.  I continue to maintain physical fitness with daily exercise.  I kept records and several types of recovery inventories in my iPhone notes.  I went from only being able to do 15 sit-ups a day up to doing over 900 on an inclined bench, by just working on it daily.  I put in work and practice for everything I do.  I was accepted to a rather rigorous college in the summer of 2015, where I had already been taking psychology courses as a continuing education student.  I am studying psychology and neuroscience, in pursuit of a bachelor’s degree.

I think a friend and former mentor of mine, a Bette Davis “Jezebel” look-alike has been dishonest in speaking of me.  She has also been deceitfully misrepresenting herself as me, by sharing my memories (which I shared with her privately) as her own, and by using my name, TheósBas, and pretending it’s hers.  We parted ways due to a fundamental difference in spiritual beliefs, as I believe in God, Jesus, forgiveness, hope and unconditional love no matter what.  I told her my stories in confidence, as a sort of confession, and as part of the healing process.  I do not use the name TheosBas or TheosBeulah in public.  I do not share about potentially “sensitive matters” in public meeting spaces, and I keep my public shares vague, relating my specific personal experience only vaguely, and as it relates to “strength and hope,” and especially as it relates to relying upon God and the literature.  My voice is not deep and raspy, nor do I regularly attend meetings at the Malvern Center.


It has very recently been made known to me that Chad Cross has taken credit for my work on the Book of Life.  He has contributed none of it, I do all of my own work.  Chad and I have barely spoken since I was 12 years old.  I have also recently been made aware that he has attributed writings and intentions to me that I had no part in writing or producing.  I believe Chad stole my journal pages and added to them to to an evil effect; I had nothing to do with that.  The originals can be found publicly in the Photo Albums on my Facebook page, as can the the most relevant volumes from the “Book of Life.”  The drawing of a fairy was a rehab assignment to draw “drug addiction.”


Some further clarifications I feel compelled to make; I communicate with God and Jesus telepathically, and strive to be a channel for God’s will, and so at times, God or Jesus may be working through me, using my body as a vessel.  My other “multiple personalities” are actually other people, as just God or Jesus.  When we work together in this manner, We form the Godhead.  If if do my job correctly, it may be any of the three of us at any given Time, although typically two of us will share the helm during each “turn.”  The weird hand signals are a “sign-language” that is understood by higher beings, and is one of the forms of communication that we employ.  Sometimes they call me Sisyphus because I have a boob job and wear a sweatshirt with the “Bryn Mawr” logo, which means “big hill.”  I was born a baby girl on May 15 1986 to Laurie Brown-Cross (she may have changed her last name to Cross since then) at Bryn Mawr Hospital, and was baptized and confirmed at Bryn Mawr Presbyterian.  Aside from anorexia and a slow heart rate, I have always been in excellent physical health and of abnormally high intellect.  Perhaps due to my attractive appearance, I have been known to incite jealousy, especially from other women, and this often results in fallacious critiques which amount to blasphemy.  I have always been relatively pretty, have not ever had my face altered by plastic surgery (I’ve only had my breasts made larger), and my hair has been red, blonde, purple, and its current natural color of brown, and my eyes are naturally blue.  I am in the process of inquiry, and am contemplating converting to Catholicism from Protestant, and have always been Christian.  The “blood of the lamb” is just my period, and not a cause for concern; it’s a big deal because as the Ghost, I’m technically dead.  My whole body, head to toe, has been amputated repeatedly by my parents during childhood nightly torture, and was replaced and repaired by God over the years, and His own hand does much of my work, when He is not personally steering this vessel Himself, which is why I cannot ethically take credit for my work on the Book of Life–it’s God’s work, not mine!  He and Jesus take turns contributing to Our collective efforts, and so Chad is really offending God, not me, when He takes credit for Our work.  God is unconditionally loving and merciful to everyone. I am given respiratory assistance in the form of large “air bags” because I don’t naturally need to breathe, and if I’m not aided and reminded I won’t.  Breathing is actually hard for me, but it does generate love when I do so, so these are beneficial.  Humorous “grades” that I am given are actually chest inflation or deflation (inhale, exhale) breathing instructions based upon “bra size” with a middle-C, lol!  God or Jesus will almost invariably eat for me, if I ask, because otherwise I kinda won’t… I’m anorexic.  I have “replaceable eyes” which serve as temporary filters or screens for the 5th element, or love, which is what I breathe, and I breathe through my eyes.  I was once a “pilot” in the “Air Force,” as a sort of Air Force One for God, and had nothing to do with a person named Pilate.  I may have played a role in the Resurrection, and God, Jesus and I are best friends and Family!  I was involved in “original sin” as the Garden itself, although when I admitted to it at the Time, I had thought that “original sin” meant the first sin!  I do not have much formal knowledge of Bible references, but I’m trying to catch up.  I interpreted original sin as the “premarital sex” between God and myself, or the “Big Bang,” that produced the Orphic Egg, under our ancient names of Chronos and Ananke.

There are probably many things concerning “harms done to me” or involving me or my reputation of which I am currently unaware, but I trust that God will keep this sensitive information concerning myself on a “need to know basis” until I am emotionally ready to feel any hurt caused by knowledge of the full extent of these injuries.  Working towards forgiveness and believing in mercy has always been the priority in any case and under any conditions, as an ongoing practice, so there is certainly no need to fear.

A good Rule of Thumb:  I am the Holy Ghost, so speaking ill of me is only evidence of that individual’s own wrong-doing or deceit.

I believe in Justice, in the form of the American Legal System.  I believe that many people I have known have incriminated themselves as having participated in defamation, slander, theft…

Sections of the Book of Life may be accessed publicly via the following links.  Certain sections are not made public, not even to my “friends,” because they are not posted at all, so you wont gain anything relevant to this project by trying to “friend” me.  If something on my Facebook is relevant to the “Book of Life,” it is made available to everyone.




Volume 0 is a melodramatic description of my depression and emotional struggles, and only an excerpt is “public,” or posted online.

Volume I is where I begin to tap into the voice of God.

Volume II is from a false imprisonment at a psych unit, and begins Our collaboration.

(Extraneous Volumes and Blueprint books scaffold and plan out the finalized volumes, several of which are made public.)

Volumes III-V are mostly artwork, or illuminated manuscripts.

(Volumes VI and VII are recovery journals, chronicling my recovery from anorexia, bulimia, PTSD, and substance abuse by relying upon God; due to questions of relevance, only selections of the writing with artwork are posted, as combined album; in addition, some pages also appear in my “random artwork” album.)

(Volume VIII is my fourth step journal and is not yet posted online.  It mostly chronicles shame related to trauma, and struggles with materialism and healthy coping.)

Volume IX is the bridge from my recovery journals to a conscious collaboration with God, to write about love.

Volume X is a book of romantic poetry with God.

Volumes XI-XIII are an epic poem with God and Jesus.


Jesus goes by Jack or Jim, and God goes by John, as a result of “taking the Lord’s name in vain.”  God is 6’10”.  Jesus is hilarious, and They are both quite humorous.  My Star of David on my forehead is the Seal of the Holy Spirit, from unlocking the Eye of Providence with my Key of David, and is sort of a “medal of honor.”  It may change color based up the intentions of the person in whose direction I look, like a security signal, and could be seen as an indication of active “patrol.”  In a sense, I’m a guard as “the Last Line of Defense.”


The Book of Life worked much like Noah’s Ark.  He gave me orders and I did what I was told.  My body works for Him like an instrument, or “data glove,” to command His army and to write His book.  I have been receiving direct orders and instructions from God since 2012, and I began serving in His army in 2013, working my way up to General of God’s Army, and a sort of personal body guard, pilot, and “Air Force One.”  I have been under the tutelage of Jesus and God, for instruction with healthy living and spiritual progress, for some Time now.  I have been working Together with God in this capacity since 2013, and Jesus has been working with us again since about October 17th, 2015.  Jesus was here, piloting my body before, during the Ursinus College incident, though I may have been unaware at the Time.  I eventually reconvened with God to assist Him in a war effort.  I was in the midst of directing armies overhead, in distant space, just prior to my mom involuntarily committing me to a psychiatric hospital in 2013.  My behavior may have seemed strange, but I knew what I was doing, I was working closely under God and receiving God’s direct orders, verbally and by psychic intuition, and my role in “directing traffic” overhead in space was absolutely necessary.  Some beings may venture into Earth and not be seen because they exist in higher dimensions.  Luckily, despite the interference of involuntary hospital commitments, We still won.  The only reason I qualify for “disability” is for PTSD, and I receive only “Time and a half” as an accommodation for exams.  The three of Us, as the Trinity or Godhead, are personally embodying the Sun, Moon, and Sky, and spitting out stars (which are harmless) as well as prayers, to preserve and protect the integrity of life and creation, while still fulfilling prophesy.

There are five of Us, as the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost of the holy Trinity, with “music,” as songs of love and praise from the heart, as a reference to the song “American Pie,” and The Whole (Godhead) as being greater than the Σ of its parts, in reference to a quote by Aristotle, as constituting the fourth and fifth.


I do not have HIV or any other virus, and in fact, I am immune.  It is extremely disrespectful to St. Aloysius to use his name as an insult.  It is also heresy to suggest that God hates anyone.  It is extremely hurtful and deeply saddening to me to be treated so disrespectfully.  You are only proving the extent of your own sinfulness with these insults, which are in fact illegal as slander, but furthermore are blasphemy.  I urge you to try to be a little kinder!  A local law enforcement agent, Constable Mike Connor, has also somewhat recently made an attempt on my life, and I was shot at as a result of these lies; I would suggest legal action by the Justice System.


I glow with an aura as a result of holiness; it is a halo, and a blessing.  I am composed completely of light, and so cannot be permanently harmed, aside from deep emotional scars.  My Star of David, or the Third Eye that results from unlocking the Eye of Providence with my Key of David, appears on my forehead, is the one true sign of God, and changes colors for more than one reason.  The most pertinent reason, is that it serves as a mirror for your own intentions when you look at me.  Red may indicate a falsehood or hostility on your part, whereas blue will indicate a truth or love.  It can be used as a benchmark, and is to be used to guide you in making corrections to your motivations.  It may also reflect my own emotions or alert my attention to an order from God.  I have also changed your own personal Eye, which is a reflection of your own soul, and it now works properly.  I retrieved it from Hell for you, and it is the way in which you are meant to connect with God.  When Jesus was here last, I was a straight-A student at Ursinus College.  As a result of a vast conspiracy by my own family, particularly my little brother Chad, when Jesus arrived, He was booed by the students there, in Environmental Ethics.  We were both raped there, and they murdered me.  And I came back to class the very next day.  I took the form of the Lion, as my suit and General’s uniform, so that no one would confuse which side of the war I was on.  The war is over, We won, as the side of the Light, and that form is no longer the most adaptive manifestation for me to assume.  I have been murdered countless times, hundreds, in all sorts of ways, but most recently it has usually been by poison or gunfire.  I spend roughly an hour to an hour and a half doing roughly 1000 sit-ups, on the highest notch (30 degrees) of my sit-up bench, 5 days a week.  An hour a day used to be the norm for me, to maintain developed abdominal muscles.  I am and have always been a female.  I was born a baby girl at 1:35AM on May 15, 1986 at Bryn Mawr Hospital.  At any given time, when you encounter me, you are also encountering Jesus on my left, and God on my right.

Pertaining to my Our daily diary entries of “communion discussions:” the Topical Outline and essay portion is usually posted by 3:00PM, the Lunch Communion is usually posted by 5:00PM, Afternoon Musings are flexible, and Dinner Communion is usually posted by 12:00AM midnight.  The promise of any new segments, and the adherence of these updates to this rough time-frame, is loose and variable, as contingent upon my other obligations.  Updates to The Daily Good News are subject to the variability of my schedule.


I have never consented to being a participant in a research study, despite the fact that I am the subject of a current research project.  I have been unethically subjected to extreme stress, abuse, insults, and harassment.  I suggest legal action, in the interest of justice and adhering to a code of ethics.  I am telepathic, and so I do know what you are thinking and what you are doing.  I am extremely sensitive, and so I am deeply offended and emotionally hurt.  As a standard practice, I do not respond to confrontation or argue back when affronted, I will just try my best to ignore you and turn the other cheek.  I have an extra sense for righteousness, and I instantly and unintentionally am aware of your motives and your intentions, as to whether or not they are morally upright, and I instantly gauge your honesty, and know if you are lying or deceiving me, before you even open your mouth.  I do not call people out on their shortcomings, I just try to look the other way.  I am a person, I have feelings, and I urge you to be kind and do the right thing.


Just a point of fact about the popular meme of harassing me, is that I’m aware of it, I’m just not responding because I’m trying to be respectful.  I am very frequently confronted with this “game” of insulting me with such comments as “St. Aloysius, as a suggestion of AIDS infection, God hates you, I’m glad you got raped, are you in porn, were you fat, are you retarded, and do you know you’re dead.”  Aside from the heresy and blasphemy of claiming that God’s will is hateful, and using a saint’s name as an insult, these comments are blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, which is actually the only unforgivable sin, which you can see for yourself if you consult your Bible.  All the powers that be only ever come from God, and suggesting that the power of God is witchcraft is abhorrent.  I have had to leave classes, in particular my ballet class from the 2016 Spring term, in tears because of a professor participating in this “game,” along with the students.  Comments such as these are descriptive of evil, so it’s a bit ironic for you to call me the antichrist.  God is not willing that any should perish, but that all may come to repentance.  No one expects perfection, but admitting wrongs and making corrections is required.

As a side note, they call me Artemis as a reference to the Diana statue at the art museum, and in reference to my description of God as a target for my “Cupids’s arrows.”  Furthermore, I have not consumed any alcohol or intoxicants in nearly three years, and it is disrespectful to spread rumors; when they are lies this is called libel or defamation, and it is illegal.


I have intuited that Chad has been taking credit for my work, and has perhaps been receiving some sort of financial gain for my artwork or writings.  Chad contributed none of it, and stole all of it behind my back.  If my work has been distributed from a source other than my Facebook page, that was never made known to me.  Obviously, I was never notified so that Chad could get away with his theft and his racket, and I was never in any way compensated.  Chad knew what he was doing, and intended to inflict harm upon myself and others, for selfish and monetary gain.  Dr. Williams photocopied the fairy picture of “drug addiction,” from my diary, and requested to be able to use it for addiction awareness.  I know that he lied about the content of that diary, which was a chronicle of normal adolescent struggles with addiction, depression, and PTSD issues.  Dr. Williams actually told me to “burn my journals,” and I know that this was so that he could cover up the true content of my diaries, and thus I would have no way to prove his intentional deception to the public and misuse of my diary content.  I kept all my diaries, obviously, although for some reason he was not under that impression.  He received some sort of financial gain for his criminal behavior.  The actions of both Chad and Dr. John P. Williams constitute blatantly criminal behavior, as they intended harm for monetary profit.  I have some sense of the slander, defamation, and libel that Chad has been perpetrating, although I do not know the extent.  At this point, I’m just going to trust God instead.


At Ursinus, during class in Thomas Hall, I would not say that I was “the antichrist,” and so they determined to execute me–for reasons beyond my understanding.  After gang raping me and torturing me, they did, as it turns out, execute me.  They tied and bound and gagged me, and cut off my ears, my right arm, both eyes, and my feet, while I was in the form of the Lion of David.  They superglued a dog collar around my neck and lynched me using a dog leash from a tree near the quad.  I recovered in the hospital, by God’s grace, and returned to school the next day, without a scratch.  My last words were,  “leave me alone.”  Dr. Kelly Sorensen, and perhaps others as well, may have falsified and defaced my research or other school papers, and shown people work for which I was purportedly the author, but was not in fact responsible for.  My work is top-notch and my thoughts are altruistic.  My student research is usually statistically significant, well-thought out, and I usually receive the grade of an A.  They, themselves, were the authors of such horrendous ideas.  Slander, defamation, and libel are all criminal offenses.  I think Chad, Dr. John P. Williams, Dr. Kelly Sorensen, and any others ought to step up and take responsibility for their work, and stop attributing such evil to me.  Chad is guilty of theft of my artwork.  I have not received any compensation or given him permission to use or sell my work.  I recommend legal action for all parties involved.  Original versions of my work ought to be sought for comparison.  I have nothing to hide.


During the Ursinus incident, after gang raping me and cutting off my limbs in class during Environmental Ethics at Thomas Hall (my left hand they just mangled beyond use with a hammer and cut off two fingers), along with severing my nose, eyes, and ears (to spite my face), under Dr. Sorensen’s direction (that I be executed for witchcraft) they dragged me outside by the dog leash and beat me beyond recognition.  This whole process of their torture and  execution took several hours.  They did hang me from a tree near the quad by the dog collar and leash.  A mob of them then poured gasoline over my corpse and burned me as a witch.  A professor (Dr. Rein), toppled me into the fountain outside Thomas Hall and then carried me to Dr Florka’s office in Olin Hall.  The fire department was called because of the smell of my burning breast implants.  An ambulance came and carted me away–somehow I still had a pulse and retained consciousness (despite the fact that my heart had been cut out through a gaping hole in my back).  As I was carted away on a stretcher, past the congregation of 50-100 students and faculty outside of Thomas, they were still spitting at me and throwing things at me.  One student put one of my severed limbs next to me on the stretcher, patted it, and said, “this will keep you company.”

I was asked to offer my hand to them, and if I was innocent, they would let me keep it, but that if I was being dishonest, they would cut it off.  I said that I had never done anything wrong, and I held it out to them, wondering what sort of game that was supposed to be.  I did not think they would actually execute me.  Then a bunch of them jumped on me and they strapped me down and tied me up.

Several additions have been made to the book of life project under the publicly viewable albums on my facebook page.

Volume 0 now appears in its entirety.

Volumes VI and VII now appear in their entirety.

Earlier journals and blueprint books are now posted (Volume 000…etc.)

New Volumes XVI and XV are posted.


After a student’s thesis project at Bryn Mawr College involved taunting me in all my classes (without my consent), I had to check into Brooke Glen mental health hospital for suicidal ideation, and this is the source of Volumes XV-XVI.  This research thesis project involved using a cohort of students to harass me in all my classes with the following questions: “weren’t you fat, didn’t you used to be a man, St. Aloysius (to imply that I have Aids or something), are you in porn, are you retarded, when did you learn to read, you’re the antichrist, I’m glad you got raped, do you know you’re dead, God hates you…”

Laurel Peterson, Denise DiAngelo, Madeline Cantor, and other faculty members also participated in these taunts during their classes.  I had to drop out of Peterson’s Health Psychology class for this reason.

Blaspheming the Holy Spirit is a grave sin that, of it’s own, without any other wrongdoing, will land you in Hell if you do not express repentance and refrain from such heresy.


Dear God, please forgive Robyn DiDonato for slandering me.  Please forgive all others who have slandered me and spread vicious rumors, which amount to blasphemy.  Please forgive them for lying about me.  Please forgive my siblings, Whitney and Chad, for calling me a “deranged cat.”  As a matter of fact, my sobriety date is still 10/26/13, and my eating disorder abstinence date is still 7/7/14.  Accusing me of being intoxicated is slander.  I am not ashamed of being “the Lion of the tribe of Judah.”  Please forgive my parents for murdering me, my dad for being a pedophile and raping me as a child (with my uncle Mark) and then lying to cover it up.  Please forgive my family for lying about me and leading many people to the gates of Hell by inciting them to blaspheme the Holy Spirit.


New Volume XVII is now posted.



I am aware that Chad Cross (my little brother), and my old friend and past mentor Robyn DiDonato, have both been falsely claiming authorship over my works and deceitfully taking credit for my efforts.  In addition, they have both been saying disparaging and fallacious things about me, spreading slanderous rumors.  Slander is a crime.  Anyone claiming authorship over any of my academic works, my writings, or my pieces of art, including the entirety of this website, my spiritual toolkit (which I have freely given and will gladly send to anyone), and all of my own personal journals, is lying.


I have never said that I was blind, nor that I could not read or write, nor that I was retarded.  Anyone who claims that I have ever said any of these things is lying.  Many people have accepted bribes to make false claims about me.  My mother lied about me and told people that I was retarded, illiterate, a prostitute, and in porn.  None of these things are true.  One can often determine whether or not a video was digitally altered by pressing “rewind” to play that video backwards.  I believe that Laurie (my birth mother), herself, has posed for such videos, impersonating me and committing identity theft.  Many documents were forged by Laurie, where she signed my name without my knowledge or my consent, to make false claims about me.  I was taken into custody in the past, under a false name, “Tyler Brown,” (which identity actually belonged to a black man!) and was committed to a hospital for some sort of criminal wrongdoing and deemed “insane.”  I was forced medication and given a lobotomy, and they told me it was “court-ordered.”  I am very obviously a young white “woman,” and genetic testing of my DNA will reveal this fact to anyone.  Some people in authority have falsely claimed that I was a man, in order to create instances wherein they would have the opportunity for sexual assault, and to rape me.  This is crime due to their lust and my womanly physical attractiveness, as they could not so easily be accused of raping a man.  It was suggested to me that I was illiterate, which I vehemently denied.  I learned to read in kindergarten just like any other child.  When they suggested testing this fact, I was given the Preamble of the United States Constitution.  I said that it was not a fair test, because I had it memorized and knew it by heart (I still remember it from 8th grade social studies class).  There was also another past instance where I was taken into custody.  I was forcibly drugged, and then videotaped while intoxicated.  To test my literacy at this instance, they gave me “Mein Kamph!”  Clips of that interview were spliced together to give a false portrayal of me, picking a choosing various statements to force my character to fit into their deceptive agenda.  They knew I was innocent and determined to vilify me, for money most commonly, and anyone involved in that interview is guilty of outrageous criminal wrongdoing, on many levels.  Such people include Dr. John Pascale Williams, my former psychiatrist, and Chad Cross and Laurie Brown-Cross, my mother and brother.  The criminal wrongdoing extended to several members of the Pennsylvania State Police, and to staff at local hospitals.  Psychiatrists and medical staff  (doctors, nurses, and head nurses) at Pottstown Hospital, as Dr. Eluri and Dr. Chin, in April and May of 2013, kept me there under a false name against my will, and accepted money to lobotomize me.  They had hidden and mislabeled the records of my being there, filing them under various false names.  I have been committed by my parents to psychiatric hospitals by 302 order under the false names “Tyler Brown, Tyler Cross, and Tyler Cross-Brown,” and the records were destroyed or re-labelled with my correct name, “Tyler (Anne) Brown-Cross,” after the fact, and they took great pains to conceal and cover their tracks.  Several ER doctors at Paoli Hospital have facilitated my placement in those facilities, through the falsification of legal documents and making false claims about my sanity and health, because they were paid off by my parents. Much of the staff at the Horsham Clinic, including the psychiatrist and mental health technicians, also accepted bribes to lobotomize me, in August of 2012.  The Judge, District Attorney, and lawyers involved in my cases, in both the Pottstown Psych Unit and the Horsham Clinic incidents, are guilty of criminal wrongdoing.  Personal (hand-written!) records of my stay at Pottstown Psych are in Volume II (and several additional volumes) of my journals, which I’ve photographed and posted publicly as photo albums on my Facebook page.


I was taken into custody in the past under the false pretense of being arrested for pot smoking, back in 2012-2013 or so.


Click on the “Photos” tab under my name, then click the tab labelled “Albums,” and then view the Volumes of my journals in separate Albums, which are ordered chronologically

Volumes 000, 00I are from 9th grade (2001), and after high school graduation (2005, just before college), and both pertain to eating disorder treatment at the Renfrew Center

Volume 0 begins with my freshman year at Ursinus College in 2005, and includes PTSD struggles, ED (eating disorder) issues, and substance abuse recovery issues, including entries made at the Caron Foundation. (references to “b/p” or my “number one vice” refer to bingeing and purging food, as bulimia, and “cutting,” usually of my left arm, with a razor blade, and is alluded to as “the flood” or otherwise indicated only indirectly, out of fear of being specific because of shame)

Volume I is from 2011-2012, and ends just prior to the Horsham Commitment in 2012

Volumes 0I, 0II, 0III are from the Horsham Clinic and Clarity Way (rehab) in 2012

Volumes 0IV, 0V are leading up to and from Pottstown Psych in 2013 (the beginning of God’s prophesies)

Volume II is from Pottstown Psych and Belmont Eating Disorder Unit in 2013 (my war effort, a rough draft and first attempt at the book, as an illustrated manuscript)

Volume III begins the Book of Life, starting in the Belmont Eating Disorder Unit (details God’s victory, as an illuminated manuscript with poetry and prophesy)

Volume IV is the Book of Life (keeping the life-line open)

Blueprint Volumes for Vols. IV, V provide brainstorming, rough drafts, and preliminary sketches and ideas for the finalized versions in the formal, final copy Volumes

Volumes V is a short conclusion to the illuminated manuscripts  and a welcoming home invitation to Jesus

(Volume VIII is my 4th step journal and is not yet posted)

Volumes VI, VII, IX are my 12 step recovery journals, focused upon relying upon God for eating disorder recovery, and include scattered prayers and sketches

Volume X is poetry, sketches, prayers and correspondence with and by God

Volume XI is a welcome for Jesus, and includes prayers, sketches, and an “epic poem” by myself, Jesus, and God

Volumes XII-XIII finish the epic poem, with colored pencil sketches at the ending

Volume XIV is a short journal, with notes and sketches about religion

Volume XV is sketches, prayers, and records of correspondence with God and Jesus, regarding PTSD, starting at Brooke Glen behavioral hospital

Volume XVI continues the correspondence

Volume XVII chronicles another stay at Brooke Glen


Digital journals are also updated on the home page of this website for the gaps in the hand-written journals, as typed iPhone notes copy/pasted into the body of the blogs.  MY website is not open for editing, not are my iPhone notes.  It is only my own, as all my own writing, thoughts, and contributions, and is only operated or updated by myself.  Anyone else claiming credit for this website is a thief and a liar.  Only I have access to add to it, update it, or change it, because it is all my own work, and I created it.  I would never use someone else’s ideas without citation, and I would never allow someone else to tamper with or add to my journals or my personal website.  All of this work is exclusively my own, and I do not allow any outside contributions or contributors at all.  -Tyler Brown-Cross

(Certain Facebook Volume labels/edition numbers are now reordered/renumbred)

Volume VI (4th step) is renamed Volume VII to adhere to chronological order, and Volumes VII-VIII are renamed Volumes VI-VII to accommodate the proper placement


Here are the questions that are making it impossible to heal, and their answers.  I am being re-traumatized every day, and slowly worsening with regard to the effort that I am putting into PTSD recovery.  These are the questions that Bryn Mawr College students, as part of someone’s thesis project, as well as many others, harass me with on a regular basis.  They follow me around to all my classes and barrage me with these questions endlessly, despite the fact that my answers have never changed.  They simply will not stop, and I have been struggling with the desire to commit suicide since the Fall.

-Are you glad you died?  “No.”

-Why did you get raped?  “Because I had said ‘no.'”

-Are you glad you got raped?   “No.”

-I’m glad you died.  “WHAT?!”

-I’m glad you got raped.  “WHAT!?”

-What happened at Ursinus?  “I was murdered, but first, gang raped and tortured, with my hands and feet cut off, and then hung by my neck from a tree and burned alive.”

-Do you know who you are?  “Yes.  I am the Angel of the Lord, Gabriel, or the Holy Ghost.”

-You’re the antichrist, or look, its the antichrist.  “I am not the antichrist; that would actually be anyone who suggests it could be me!  Also, my little brother, nicknamed Chad Cross (born Charles Haley Cross IV) is the antichrist, along with my mom Laurie Cross (legal name is Laurie Brown-Cross).

-Are you retarded?  “No. (Fact: intellectual giftedness, with an IQ above 130)”

-Were you ever fat?  “No.  (Fact: history of anorexia, starvation. and emaciation)”

-Weren’t you a man?  “No, never.  (Fact: I’m menstruating right now.)”

-Are you in porn?  “No.  That was actually photo-edited and produced by Laurie, pretending to be me.”

-Why do you have PTSD?  “Lots of reasons.  That question is insensitive.”

-Were you ever evil?  “No, never.  That’s really offensive. (Fact: suggesting I am or have been evil is heresy, and blasphemy against the Holy Ghost)”

-St. Aloysius!  “No, I do not have AIDS.  (I resent the implication that I have AIDS.  Using that as an insult is disrespectful to people who actually have AIDS, and to St. Aloysius.)”

…Why don’t you ask me these personal questions to my face, and show a little courage?  Do you think it is pleasant to hear these things all the time, and constantly be reminded of what happened at Ursinus?  …Please, stop re-traumatizing me!

-Tyler Brown-Cross


As to some lies told about me regarding my performance in ballet:

I was trained in ballet from age 3 to just about 15 (1989-2001), at the now closed “American Academy of Ballet,” which was a small school in Berwyn, sharing studio space with another ballet school, called “The Turning Pointe,” which has also since closed.  As I grew older I danced rigorously, for many hours a week, at a near-professional level, but eventually quit dance in order to enter into treatment for anorexia at the Renfrew Center, because I was about 84 lbs, with a heart-rate averaging from 28-34 BPM, and my health was being compromised.  I had been dancing on pointe beginning at age 11 or 12.  I began dancing again in the summer of 2015, at age 29.  Due to extensive daily exercise (sit-ups, strength training, and stretching) throughout that previous year, I was already in great shape by the time I began taking lessons again, and soon regained much of my former ability.  I have been consistently around 100-105 lbs at 5’6″, with defined abs and muscles and notable slimness (with a large bust).  I was already very flexible and able to do full splits, with both my left and right legs, before I even entered a dance class.  This ability was attained only through hard work over a period of time, in persisting with 20-40 minute daily stretching sessions, for about a year.  After only several months, my muscle memory kicked in, and by taking lessons at different local ballet schools, in addition to attending classes at my college, I soon attained a high level of performance.

During a placement class at BMC during freshman (McBride:transfer student above the age of 24) orientation in the fall of 2015, I placed into an intermediate level ballet course, after first taking a few summer classes at Contempra.  I soon progressed in my strength and ability, and started receiving instruction on pointe again during spring break of 2016, at other local dance schools, mostly Contempra Dance School, but also occasionally at the intermediate and advanced adult classes at Pennsylvania Academy of Ballet.  My performance and physique were admirable, and may have inspired jealousy from other dancers.  Certain people may have lied about my performance, and have spoken disparagingly and insultingly about me, because of their jealousy or for other sinful reasons (e.g.: being bribed).  At the Bryn Mawr College and Contrempra Dance classes (althought not the more professional level PAB classes), I am more often than not the best dancer in the class.  My most notable skills mostly pertain to my uncanny balancing ability and my extreme flexibility (holding my ankle next to my ear).  Any professor or instructor or students who speak disparagingly and offensively about my dancing, are themselves being mean and dishonest.  As it turns out, one such person, who claimed that I “couldn’t even do a split,” was herself unable to do a split, and was thus inspired to jealousy by my own greater ability.  Since the end of the fall semester of 2016, I am more appropriately placed at an “advanced” level, and have also been occasionally attending the advanced level ballet classes at BMC accordingly, just for fun.  I am registered to take intermediate level classes, for academic credit, because they fit my schedule.  My major, and my primary focus of study, is psychology and neuroscience, and I spend much of my time on schoolwork for classes in these departments. Through consistent effort, investing time and hard work in practice, it is entailed that one achieves improvement–this just what happens as the result of practice, and is known as the law of cause and effect.

…Continued with the new post:

“The Testimony of the Holy Ghost”


Tyler's prayer


Thomas MertonSerenity Prayer8 versesSalutation to the Son