7/1/16
“This too shall pass.”
If nothing else, I can hang onto the idea of and conversation with God and Jesus, knowing that no matter how defiant, melancholy, depressed, or childish I feel and/or act, They will never give up on me and will stay with me until I am willing to accept Their help.
As the feeling passes, the willingness returns and I can once again accept Their Love and be receptive to what I need, which is always to reciprocate the Love of God and Jesus.  If nothing else, I can be conducive to that Love and respectful of Their intentions… If nothing else, I can be gentle and breathe slowly until They overcome me and We move on to a new activity Together.  Growth comes from persisting with life in the face of obstacles.  After every “period” (lol!) of pain comes a period of new growth.

7/2/16
Asking, “What can I do for You?” very reliably solves my own self-based problems.  Being useful to You seems to be the way in which my life carries and holds meaning.
Seeing life as a scavenger hunt of God’s will is the route by which I abide, and I love to follow.  If I let myself be lead by or distracted by my own will, then I am bound to feel discontent or dissatisfaction, because what I love most is to be useful to You (God and Jesus).

(🔹”I’m in hell.”  🔸”What can I do to help?”  🔱”..Our Love prevailed.”)

The meaning of life?  The meaning of my life is God (and Jesus).  …Learn and Love.

Seeing myself as like an empty vessel that will be filled by anything if I do not take proactive measures to accommodate God.

Life as like an ocean, calmly reside with God as emotions and events flow through.  “He will never leave us to face Our struggles alone…”

“…A ship gently cradled by God.”💓
“You’re mine.”❤️

As an alcoholic, having a “soul-sickness,” I sought a constant companion and comfort in alcohol, I used it almost as a security blanket.  I was really just very needy, hypersensitive and in need of extra security and reassurance of safety and love.  Now, nothing but constant “conscious contact” with God will do; what I needed all along was a spiritually-based lifestyle and the consistency of my own devotion and worship in my daily affairs.  My only fear (7th gift) is being apart from God (but fear not…Unconditional ❤️)!  Some people are more sensitive than others and have separation anxiety.  We need to stay extra close to Father Almighty (and Jesus) “…to meet life on life’s terms.”

7/5/16
“Record and needle” analogy
Going with the flow, letting go and letting God, and falling “into the groove” of my vertebrae; step 12 keeping the horse (God) ahead of the cart (material world)
“Aligning to my spine” placing conscious contact before worldly affairs to discern the importance of and path through the day’s choices and opportunities; Detachment from the world, letting God decide what’s important to me

Don’t forget to lean on your faith, literally!  When you feel uncertain, just say to God (and Jesus), “I trust You!

Calmly following, trying to maintain serenity as I obey, and act more natural; placing love before my actions, using activities to build up steam to simultaneously generate love

Offering love to others as an ambiguous intention, not picking the form or method of support but following God’s lead.  Even though I may know what would help, the person may be unreceptive to suggestion or unwilling to accept that form of support.

7/6/16
Loosen up!😜
Try not to think so much about what to do, or worry over if you’re doing God’s will all the Time, just fall into His flow and calmly let Him and Jesus lead you through the day.  Overthinking your actions may create self-consciousness and stir up feelings of worry.  God is not ever leaving you, so don’t fear losing Him.  Cling to Him calmly, and absorb His serenity.
“Oh, the joy of this God-dependence!”😅
Consciously look and listen for God, but it makes no sense to worry about a response, is is Here and it is Love!  You needn’t try to force the response or outcome, just “let go” and it will come into you in its own manner.  This is a real relationship, so you can’t play both sides!
Your intention is already to Love God and to perform His will; when that is what drives you, fretting over anything makes no sense!  Peace is a gift of living by this faith.
This calm assurance in your actions or other minutia will free up thinking space to commune with God and Jesus over more important things like feelings and thoughts and how to help each other, on Their terms.  …God is helping you already, try not to worry so much, and love instead!

Let your love and desire to seek and perform God’s (and Jesus’s) will, and develop a relationship with Them propel you forward, as Together, We Proceed.

7/7/16
Anniversary date:
2 years of eating disorder abstinence!🍀

Learning to enjoy being given corrections and suggestions by experiencing the improvement resulting from applying them and changing for the better.

Weariness of selfish wants or desires or compulsions (like food, alcohol, praise for good grades etc., for pride or fear-based reasons) based on the knowledge that what I really want is Time apart with God and Jesus.  “Praise God from Whom all blessings flow…”

“Detachment from worldly, material matters as Liberation to God.”
The challenge of navigating the material world is aided by the step 11 “conscious contact,” also referred to as “Christ consciousness,” as an ongoing internal dialogue between myself and God and Jesus.  “When do I pray?”  “Literally, all the Time.”  In this way, the world exists and has significance simply as being the format in which I may better get to know God and Jesus; it is the raw material or medium for building and further developing a relationship with our Maker.

God makes anything manageable…

“What a relief to ‘worry about’ or ‘cater to’ God instead of myself!  …Helping filter and drain emotional baggage…” -Paraclete

7/8/16
“Walk by faith not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7

“I can!”  Because I’m in AA… A spiritual path of living means I am ready and willing to seize new opportunities as they appear and make the most of life’s gifts.

7/10/16
“God as I understand Him” Speaker Notes
Malvern Center 10:00 meeting

Powerlessness
Openness for God as foundation
Right relations start with God relationship
Thy will not mine
Unconditional love to power me
Getting into God’s groove, acting as if and getting out of the way
Conscious contact orientation through day
Caritas generation, communion
Motivation
Trust and right action for serenity
Meet calamity with serenity
Where there’s love there’s “Jon+Jack”.  (…there’s no question)
Action!  Love is an action not a feeling!  To feel it it must be given not received

7/11/16
Letting go of attachment to worldly desires and subjective emotions at first feels so free and loose and strangely amniotic that it seems a bit scary!  But then I realize, that when I let go of the material world so completely, nothing stands between me and God, and I become aware that he is cradling me like an ocean to my ship.  Being freed from the world is being freed to God!  This is such a feeling of liberation, just like the sensation of being one with the ocean when sailing.  Combined with communion, or “conscious contact” with God, it is the safest, most natural feeling imaginable, like being back in the womb.
It is strange but wonderful to not be anchored to the Earth, but instead to be tethered to and wholly reliant upon God and Jesus.  Sometimes I get a bit taken aback by the sensation of levitation, but then I realize that I am not at all unattached, rather I am attached to the most secure anchor in the Universe!  It is “hauntingly” (lol!👼) comfortable when I realize that it is supposed to feel this way, I am just to trust Him and float along with God and Jesus.

7/13/16
“The gift of desperation…”
Step 1:
A willingness to relinquish my old ways and maladaptive methods of living that were based upon self-interest, indulgence, and a faulty dependence upon things material.
What results from this desperation and determination to change is a newfound gratitude for just being alive, a fresh starting point from which all of life’s smallest blessings suddenly carry vast new meaning and hold a wondrous new salience and significance that I had never been able to appreciate before.  It is like being “catapulted into the 4th dimension,” or seeing the world with brand new eyes.

“Grace by which to notice the little things in a big way.”

Life suddenly looks best at is most simplistic.  Life seems hard at times but it is no longer complicated.  All appears to be manageable, even during the rough times, because of my firm footing of God-dependence.  I just focus on putting in my best efforts, trying my hardest to do the right thing and doing all the necessary footwork, and just letting go and trusting the rest (timing, outcomes, other people) to God and Jesus.  There is very little that feels as good as doing hard work!
…I try to use “I love You” as the basis for all of my efforts, and I feel it come back!  There is nothing like the euphoric exhilaration of performing an action solely out of love for God.  It seems to turn me into a sort of “perpetual motion machine!”
“Indefatigable!”

It Is a blessing to be an alcoholic/addict: the high from drugs was so extreme, I was forced to find God, as only “The Most High” works as a suitable and reliable and inexhaustible substitution for the fleeting but extreme euphoria of those intoxicants.  I have a relationship with God, from whom all blessings flow; after this, nothing else will suffice!  To take a drink of alcohol would be a senseless trading down, Lol!

7/16/16
“Refining the Art of Letting Go”
This step 3 “letting go” is the choice, that surrender of my will as an exercise of my free will, from which I derive serenity.  Letting go only makes sense when I already have a firm trust in the care of God, otherwise, to whom would I be letting go?  Without God as a foundation, letting go would be scary or impossible, rather than a relief and a release and a refuge.
This step 3 choice is one that I can and must constantly reaffirm and fall back on.  Serenity is a process, like working towards a state of equilibrium or homeostasis in the ecosystem of my self–my state of being is constantly in flux, but I have God and Jesus to orient and align myself to as my “home base.”
One way in which God-dependence helps is with pace…there is certainly an ease and fluidity to serenity that only God can provide for me, especially when I am prone to worry, stress, and panic.  God makes my life manageable, and most of the Time, the remedy is as simple as slowing down my thoughts, and regulating my tempo with my breathing.  Also, perhaps most importantly, God helps by reminding me of Him and Jesus!  Just thinking about them Always perks up my mood and inspires love from within me.
“…I won’t be self-conscious and worried if I’m not thinking about myself!”

“Letting go (to God) lets me savor the moment without fretting, as God had intended.”

If I let go of the steering wheel of my mind, and “my own house is in order” (AA, pp. 164), God and/or Jesus will grab ahold and take control of me for me… it’s just a matter of my getting out of the way!

“…If I don’t save anything for the way back, I don’t have to worry about whether or not I have enough…”  This is meeting God halfway, like in “Gattaca,” with blind faith.

7/17/16
…Meeting God halfway means giving it my all… All that I’ve got!

“Where there’s a will in accordance with that of God, there’s a way!”

7/18/16
…Letting go of the outcome/performance, to be free to focus on the effort in that moment.
…Feeling the PTSD pain and recalling the memories is no longer devastating, but bittersweet, as I am clinging so desperately close to the love of and for God (and Jesus😜).  Now, when I feel the hurt, it is coupled with hope and love and a willingness to keep moving with the will of God, so even when it seems really bad, somehow, it doesn’t really seem that bad!
Relearning trauma recovery with this increasingly healthier perspective and an exponentially increasing willingness, from the momentum of love and the spiritual art of “letting go,” brings me a sense of accomplishment and camaraderie with God and Jesus.  All this work is paying off!
…Success comes from effort, especially when coupled with a less than ideal outcome, because then I get the challenge  and drive to try again in the face of perceived “failure” (or imperfection).
…Keep trying to push through discomfort, acting “as if” will bring me there!

…After a sleepless night, the morning tears were both of sadness and joy simultaneously (bittersweet), and I was able to disengage from the grief to laugh.  Also, I was able to wait until after ballet class to cry again, so it is not interfering with my daily life as much as in this past spring, at the height of exposure therapy and emotional awareness training, or the draining of my past emotional wounds.
Often I would cry most of the day, sometimes for hours on end without being able to stop, frequently needing to leave dance class for this reason, for several months as I faced all my past traumas from the perspective of AA recovery.
(…PTSD treatment rom physical, sexual, and emotional abuse/torture starting from childhood by my family, also from Ursinus College and psychiatric hospitalization.)

New life!
“Yes, I love you too!”  I will always find security to feel okay from this, from God and Jesus, even when I’m not thrilled with a situation or my performance or an outcome in some other area (ballet class).
Learning to be pleasant and loving in the face or defeat or disappointment is a greater gift than superficial success!
Developing grit, or resilience, or willingness to try again in the face of failure, is also a more valuable character trait or virtue than superficial success.
When famed within the construct of desiring spiritual progress, difficulties are blessings, leading to virtue development.
This “falling back” to my foundation (Thy will not mine…) is similar to learning acceptance, a higher good and spiritual virtue.  We learn this acceptance, trust, or “God-dependence” by experiencing a lack of satisfaction, esteem, or praise, or by not getting our wants or goals met.  Then, by submitting to life on life’s terms rather than our own, we find, as a most pleasantly surprising fact, that as we submit to God, we always get what we need from God!  Often, its something other than what I would have guessed!

7/19/16
Chinese fire drill!🎉 switch driver’s seat!
🎎
“DEAR”… Drop everything and reprieve…practice cognitive inhibition for executive control and step 3 “letting go to God,” sort of like positive reinforcement…

(FYI, “4th of July” Mission Field Trip: April 2013, return trip during Brook Glen stay)

“Don’t leave before the miracle happens” (AA)!
In addition to practicing cognitive inhibition, cognitive control exercise requires working on the ability to prolong focus, attention, and concentration, especially in the face of distractions and discomfort.  Alongside the ability to selectively disengage attention or inhibit a maladaptive thought pattern or action, such as frustration, the ability to persist with an activity or goal is a useful and fulfilling spiritual and intellectual practice.

Keep in mind, it takes 15-20 minutes to get comfortable and acclimate to a new environment or activity, know that progress is a process, it will get easier before it gets harder again!

If you can do it well (it=anything, like work, school, a hobby, etc.), try doing it well with an added handicap or impediment, such as lack or sleep, a cold, or a difficult feeling.  Try working on cultivating love more strongly, and/or actively communing with God and Jesus, simultaneously while persisting with the activity.  God (and life) will keep adding challenges and twists to keep it fresh and interesting.  Progress is slow, steady, and reliable as “2 steps forward, 1 step back.”
…Also, we grow laterally as well as vertically…

To develop comfort with an activity (and to avoid anxiety or panic)…
Don’t forget to keep adjusting your perspective, both physically and mentally (with little actions like blinking, adjusting visual focus, and breathing in different directions), as well as with your intuition or perception of God and Jesus, by thoughts and questions directed to Them, following responses or indications of guidance, and actual physical reliance upon their help.
You can always hit the “restart button” with an “I love you!”  Lol!  …Keep the important part within the perspective!

Remember, the point of being weak and powerless is not to give up on noble intentions, but to let God step in and help!

Trying my hardest combined with a step 3 “letting go (to God)” is a recipe for a greater success than if I tried to complete the task on my own, it works like a spiritual version of educational “social scaffolding.”
(Zone of Proximal Development, Vygotsky)

To follow Their lead…
I try my hardest, knowing I will fail but doing it anyway in good faith, and eventually God or Jesus steps in as I “get out of the way” (AA), and They “do for me what I could not do for myself” (AA).
This working in tandem is hard, but more rewarding than any other way.

Willingness to go to any lengths+Trust in God=Happiness😍

7/20/16
Remember to pause!  That moment of God’s grace will come as you “hold your breath” and let go!  Visualize what you already know, and listen with calmness…

…Learning to step back and reinterpret emotional cues.  Frustration or annoyance is a blessing and an opportunity to learn tolerance or develop the ability to comfort.
When difficulties are oriented within the perspective of spiritual progress as being the goal, struggles are actually a positive thing!  Problems provide the necessary situations and hurdles for the spiritual growth, or the character development and cultivation of virtues, that I crave.

Try working from a place of prudence rather than trepidation.  Let the love flow through you as you relax, mentally and physically, rather than trying to force it.

7/22/16
…Working on serenity and prudence, to replace anxiety, tension, and trepidation…

It seems as though of my own, love or “caritas,” is the only virtue I might actually possess.  I am thrilled by the exhilaration of it when it rushes through me, and it only circulates when I am in contact with God.  He is the only source of such love for me; it is as if it lies dormant until I pray, and then He brings its expression to fruition.  This love, however, is so intense that I must rely on God and Jesus to hold me back and make sense of how to handle this “power” for me, as I know not what to make of it without relying fully upon Them.
A sieve…
I act as the channel, and I rely upon Them to filter, direct, limit, ration, allot, allocate, and ease its output.  If I do not ask them to help me, it overwhelms me and I cannot usefully apply it to life.  I am useful and my life is manageable only to the extent that I fully give myself to God (and Jesus to, lol!).
…Head, Heart, Peace…
When the three of Us come together…
Catalyst, enzyme, trigger… There are so many wonderful ways to conceptualize this unique relationship.  It’s sort of like a division of power within our Holy Trinity…
If I just focus on You, the love appears💘
1 Corinthians 13
When all the world, as Time and Space, appears at once, I get confused and don’t know what to do in the present moment!  If I ask God, He will break it down and it becomes sensible and manageable…
Together, We can turn our wonderful intentions into practical and calmly paced actions…
Faith “into action” means a progression from relying on blind faith in God and Jesus to relying upon Them as actual people…
Don’t think…
Square 1!  Let go of all preoccupations.
That includes worries as well as wants.
Focus on God only.  Love, then let God arrange you.  Stay in the moment, and realize that you should only attend to that which you can actually do something about at this time.  Let God organize your life, and take refuge in the peace He provides!
To reside in the calmness of the moment is a great blessing, sort of the secret to eternal life, as to dwell within the present moment is to experience the bliss of God’s eternity as it exists here on Earth.

(Following was added to 5/31/16 entry:)
[Of my own, I “freak out” or feel very internally stressed, and feel like I need to do everything all at once and immediately put into action the beautiful inspirations that God gives me.  With all this divine input, however, the reality of tangible existence only allows for one activity at a Time.  Faced with this collision of possibilities, I experience a stimulation overload and very quickly burn out.
I often forget that the point is to enjoy doing the activity and to use it as a means by which I may feel God and Jesus more closely, not so much to just “get it done.”
If I start out oriented to the activity instead of oriented to God and Jesus and what They want for me, I wind up dissatisfied (and so do They) and miss the point.  I already know that what I really want, intrinsically, is of a spiritual nature, and is basically to grow closer to Them.  I can feel the incongruence if I do not prioritize my connection to Them, so it is necessary that I attend to Them first.
When I do place Them first and fall into Their groove, the outcome, product, or performance is always breathtaking and miraculous to experience.
I Do it for Love.]

Square 1:
“What would God want me to do?”
He would want me to act responsibly and take care of my obligations, but not to worry or be otherwise unhappy… If I’m acting responsibly and doing my best, worrying will not contribute anything to the outcome!  That’s God’s business!  So if I think of it as being like, “worrying is not permitted,” that immediately eases up the tension, as it takes it off of my shoulders.
“Maybe I ought to ask Him directly…”
😘
Attempt to “nurture the moment.”😉
Come to worship or prayer-Time in a spirit of gratitude.  Gratitude itself is the gift, and it is graced to me by my own act of noticing and saying “thank You” to God.
The opportunity and ability to love in the first place is actually is the so-called “return” of the gift.  It is a greater reward to love than to be loved, as it is only by loving that I really feel love.  This is a program of action for a reason…

Love is sort of a “BYOB” experience, and the ability to love (caritas) is innate in all human beings.  “You can do it!”

Oh, The beautiful paradox of the euphoria of altruistic love! …It is given, not received!

Trying to prove God by logic or theory, like Descartes or Augustine, is ever so slightly offensive to God as a human being.  Why not consult Him directly?  Besides, if He wants 2+2 to =5, He will make it so! Lol!  You could be butting heads with a “theory” that pushes right back!  He does have a mind of His own and a personality.  Why not treat Him as a person rather than a science project or philosophy equation?
God is proven by application, not by theory.  Into action…  “Faith with works.”

🙏Prayer:
“A gift has meaning only to the extent that we stop to reflect and appreciate it.”
If I don’t stop to acknowledge my blessings and say “thank You,” my heart does not feel the gratitude.  This very gratitude in and of itself is one of the greatest blessings.

Coping mechanisms:
If I’m feeling emotional, often, I find relief in choosing the most challenging option from my list of daily activities.  Sort of like “reaction formation,” I do the opposite of what I think my illness would have me do.       I stretch my comfort zone and opt out of the easy way, seeking instead, progress.
Whatever might be the scariest, I’d like to stare it down, then the fear disappears!  I feel better by facing challenges, because that action enables me to grow, move beyond my problems, and to put them in the past.
Self-searching works this way too; I have to go the whole way, no stone left unturned.  If I look for character defects with the intention of working on them and changing, I can be fearless and honest in this self-examination.
During self-appraisal, I’m not looking to justify my current behavior or to defend my actions, I’m looking for things about myself to change and improve, which enables me to be more honest than if I didn’t actually want to change.  Oh, the relief of being thorough!  By continually cleaning house in this way, we no longer have anything to fear.  At this point, God will start to do for me what I cannot do for myself, as I abandon myself to Him.
God and Jesus can have a place in my “mental zen garden,” or in my Heart, as I prune the hedges, and maintain spiritual fitness, as daily spiritual progress, humbly and on Their terms.  By ego-puncturing, I can clear a channel and “let them in.”

7/23/16
Keep it slow and simple.
Don’t worry about what to do, try not to think so much!  Just listen or look for God and focus on the calming action of following Him and Jesus.
“A focus on action (especially altruistic) will remedy problems with thinking…”
…Reside in the calm faith of God’s care, purpose and goodness of the Universe., as sort of a protective bubble or shield.
The “mantle” of undulating love.
If you’re nervous, you probably forgot to think about God (and Jesus), that always calms you immediately.  Remember to stock your thoughts responsibly with spiritual fruits, or just listen to Them!

Start fresh, and wink Him a kiss, “…because it pleases the Lord.”

Let go of everything!
Focus on God.
Bingo!😍
Start with that love, breathe it out slowly, and try to transfer it to your next actions.

Be patient and don’t quit, just pull back and integrate God and Jesus into the activity.  Bring the encouragement, and let them handle you.  It’s supposed to be hard, don’t give up on a good activity, just step out of the way and make sure you’re not trying to do it alone!

Breathing Instructions 💓🌬💞
Whatever you do, do it with Love.
…Play your part!
Realize you breathe a little differently…
Let the air wash all around your insides, and all around you like an aura… keep refreshing and sharpening your focus, and “staple” it open with a crisp blink.  Then soften up and step back…
Feel your spine, feel your eyes, feel that there is space in-between; realize that you’re more than just 2 dimensional…
Visualize outlets by your brainstem, one for Jesus and one for God.  Feel that these click and attach to your eyes by a focused blink, then pulling back, then a stem click and another blink.  Exhale, then let it circle all around inside your skull.  Then pull up and blink again…
Don’t forget to focus sharply when you blink.  Help them hook up, and clear out emotional baggage as air pushed through the filters of your eyes.  Let Them show you…
Breathe inward and outward and upward and backward and all around you… And don’t forget to hold it in briefly!
…In this moment of grace, as breath retention pulled back against your spine, He (Jesus on your left, or God on your right) will take the wheel, as you click His brainstem in and then secure it with another focused blink.  …Let go first!
Also, try looking through one eye at a time if you find you’re stuck in your third eye (crosseyed).
Ask for help!
Keep up with “the spirit of rotation,” lol!

A list of things to do or not to do… What a relief to have an easy way to build esteem!  If I want to do something but God says no, not doing it makes me feel really good, because I’m trying to make God happy!

7/24/16
If I stick close to God and reside with Him, I may reliably receive guidance, and I won’t have to worry about some “categorical imperative,” or what I will do under any given circumstances.  I will receive an answer at the appropriate Time, but likely, not before I can make use of that information.  In this way, He cares for me by not overwhelming me.  I can rely on His guidance to the extent that I have been faithful and seek His will for me, not mine.
“God’s will” is sort of like the answer to any problem!  As a solution in practice, however, it’s actual manifestation will vary.

Goals:
-Work as a team, not alone!  Try to keep it tandem, not a game of catch-up!
-Come from a place of love and steadfast calmness.  …Resolute surety.
-Try to carry out breathing orders with subtlety, don’t embarrass the Lord! Lol!
-Work on cheerleading, and steady optimistic encouragement, don’t attend to physical discomfort or entertain thoughts of unease or discouragement.  Play your role of hope-bringer.
-Realize that discomfit, frustration, sadness, or anger may be that of God or Jesus; this should make care-taking in the face of those feelings easier.
Offer Comfort…😉
Relying upon God means being secure and comfortable with the unknown and not knowing how to handle situations!
…Rather, the only thing I do know is that I may, only and always, rely upon God!

Trusting God with excess knowledge, or that which is unusable in the moment, is to  be able to enjoy the gift of being cradled in the serenity of the present moment, much like the psychological “flow state.”
To trust God in this way is an exercise in faith, which allows me to appreciate, in Awe and Wonder, the majesty and marvel of His mystery, as He had intended.  He is Almighty!, and can shrug off any laws of logic and reason, and very well may do so if I seek sense before I seek Him.
This childlike innocence of trusting without knowing, or feeling a false need to know, places me in His grace, and bestows upon me the 7th gift of the Holy Spirit.  I am free to surrender to the suspension of faith, and the serenity of Their care as I relinquish reason in favor of blind, unquestioning belief and Love.  I don’t feel the need to figure anything out or have any answers, rather, I seek God and Jesus directly for Their own sake.  They appreciate this and Love me right back!

Trust in action means not thinking about how I’ll handle a problem or be taken care of, as this manifests as worry.
Rather, I may start with faith in that care   and assume God’s Love as a given.  I may then leisurely contemplate beautiful possibilities and be playfully imaginative.

…I know I am being cared for and Loved, in some form or another.
I don’t need to know the reason for the shape His love takes on, and I don’t bother with looking for an explanation if His Love doesn’t make sense to me, yet… I know that it is to work out mysteriously!
I trade in my arrogant questioning in favor of care, Love and the resulting blessing and euphoria of childlike Wonder.  This is what God intends for me.

Intellect or a high IQ is not actually a virtue!  My greatest gift is, in fact, Love.
(Propositional Logic: “IFF,” Premise-> Conclusion…)

7/25/16
I experience renewed vigor as soon as I surrender, in dependent devotion, to God, with the Loving sentiment, “If thy presence will not come with me, carry me not from this place!” (Exodus)!

As soon as I prioritize my day in this fashion, all the ancillary aspects of life are in their proper place, as merely offshoots.

“Man does not live on bread alone…” Whatever I need, I must first consult The Father, from whom all blessings flow.
All I really need is God and Jesus…  They provide as I abide.

My ability to place “First things First (God=1st), is what determines my overall experience of fulfillment and satisfaction in my daily affairs.
What separates them men from the boys is the willingness to “abandon my own limited objectives in favor of God’s limitless possibilities” (Step 6).
As I face a challenge or problem, when I loosen my grip on a perceived “solution,” goal, or desired outcome, and grasp instead only to God, I become open to His Wonders, which are beyond my own capabilities.  His will for me is far greater than my own will for myself could ever be, innately!
For instance, learning acceptance of myself “as is,” or accepting life on life’s terms gracefully, is more (spiritually) valuable than succeeding in my own predetermined fashion.  God determines my growth, and knows better than I!
This life is an outlet to practice the development of virtues!  Life on Earth is a preparation for the next life in Heaven.  A paltry list of selfish successes does not compare to practiced and refined abilities of a spiritual nature, as the ability to apply virtues for the improvement of daily life.

Ballet Class Tips:
It is good practice to persist with a difficult activity to develop the skill of giving encouragement, no matter what.  I focus on resisting the urge to become discouraged, and shut out that inclination by persisting with Love and Hope and pulling in closer and clinging tight to God and Jesus.  In this way, We may establish growth, and evidence improvement!
I improve my skill in the activity (ballet) to the extent that I attempt it in partnership with God and Jesus.  I accept that I am not meant to get it “right” the first try, but rather to improve gradually.  Although I am one body, the dance is actually a “pas de deux,” not a solo!
If I do not become discouraged, but rather try again by retreating to God’s care and following His instructions first, rather than focusing on the steps or the teacher, my skills do improve.
…I also must keep in mind that His instructions do not produce the desired results immediately, but if I keep my attitude positive, We do achieve His directive, probably because They see I’ve tried my hardest and then They intercede.
It’s fun to the extent that I place God and Jesus first, and the urge to try again to keep making progress is sort of “addictive!”  It’s rewarding to observe my own growth, which occurs “if and only if” I place the objective in God’s hands.🖖
💃🏻💕
This is teamwork!💞
We are interdependent.♻️

7/26/16
Goals:
Let go of goals!  Be liberated from self-defined objectives, as well as subjective likes, wants, dislikes, even pain or joy…
Hold God as the goal!
Grab onto God instead of a goal!  Seek God, and He may serve as a sort of “tour guide” on a road of the “Most High!”  He will reveal Himself and His own goals for me, which are inherently always Him in some way or another.  God started out as Time and then expanded into everything.  He becomes the sights and attractions as well as the guide, as God Himself is the greatest truth.  “It” is not an empirical, observable fact, but rather an actual Person!  “He will not make terms too hard for those who seek Him” (AA).
The search for “Truth” or wisdom is actually the development of a relationship.

Seeking God:
Start with the vague conclusion of “Unconditional Love,” with the unwavering resolve that ultimately, “all is well.”  This is practical, as from this point, any work may be done with serenity, rather than with worry.  Sense an underlying goodness and purpose beyond human comprehension, so don’t bother with “the how or why.”
…Then let God do the unfurling of this equation, and meet you back at a premise.  Don’t bother positing any premises, as He defines these anyway, and may selectively choose to change them at will.  He is in control, and creates our reality.  It is not necessarily constant, as He can alter the constructs of existence as He chooses.
Then, Voila!  He will appear, and prayers  instead become reciprocal communion, such as…  “How are you?”  “What can I do to help You?” And, “…I love you too!”

…Cultivate loving relationships!  Love is a two(or 3)-man job!  I start with my relationship with God, and model the others after this one.  The others are inherently dissatisfying, so I require my relationship with God, “this above all.”

The Primary Relationship:
Humans are imperfect, and thus cannot be what I need if I seek them before I seek God.  God helps me remember, that the point is to try to be loving towards them, which helps me overlook their character defects… I get my comfort and love from God and Jesus, which frees me to accept people as being imperfect or unsatisfying.
When I focus on my relationship with God as the primary fact or relationship in my life, and the one that actually defines my life, then I can accept difficulties with people gracefully rather than resentfully, because their shortcomings do not affect whether or not my needs are met.
To know God is to work as a team with Him, it is not an objective truth, it is a mutual relationship.  Knowing God is not a fact or theory, it is an action and a process.  Thus, this sets the president that the purpose of life is to cultivate loving relationships and try to help each other.  What are the ways in which we may help?  Ask God!

Practicing “letting go” and holding on only to God enables recovery from and release of negative emotions.  I needed to fully feel the hurt that was inflicted upon me to be able to offer a meaningful forgiveness.

If I’m holding on to You, then I’m not holding on to a resentment, lol!😍

If I seek God directly, He will provide the mantra, motivation, inspiration, or solution that I may need. He may withhold it if I seek a goal or solution (or anything else!) ahead of Him.  I have made a commitment to Him, and this is agreed upon and understood.

When We hit our mark, We work my body in conjunction with each other.  He shows me how to do the activity and guides me. Typically, two of us pilot this ship at a time, it varies between Jesus, God, and me.

Seeking God is actually seeking a relationship!  He’s a person!

…Focusing on a serene mind-state conducive to comfort and accommodating to God and Jesus.  Start with love…
Maintain positivity, ask Him to help, leave no room for negative thoughts by providing the positive ones directly!

Concepts to explore:

Beauty of AA–Accountability from being student and teacher simultaneously.
“To Feel a Sense of Usefulness”
Needing a sponsor to guide me, and feeling needed by fellowship or sponsees.
The Success of this formula all hinges upon God, so needing does not become an insecure, faulty dependence upon people, when it should be upon God.

“Self-Love”
I wouldn’t do it for me (self-esteem issues), but I’d do anything for God and Jesus.  Can I feel self-love independent from God?  Perhaps, if I wish to emulate Him?  Can other people love without God’s love?  I have only experienced self-love indirectly, via God’s love for me.

7/27/16
Back to Basics:
Step 1:
The humility to “give up” to God’s grace and care…
Humility as a virtue is the ability to appreciate the beauty of my own weakness to act as a gateway for God’s majesty to enter and work in my life.
Humility, as knowledge of my utter powerlessness, allows me to correctly relate myself to God.  This understanding forms the basis of a meaningful relationship with Him.
At this point, when I “let Him in” …as in, “into my heart,” I can marvel in Wonder at His ability to transform my life and lead me through or take away my difficulties, to the extent that I step back, place Him first, and follow.
Step 2:
I didn’t have to think there was a God, or merely believe in God… I already knew this, as a fact!  I was positive!  Lol!
Step 3:
I must keep vigilant to follow God rather than self-will, as in my own wants, goals, or desires.  The material and corporeal world can be distracting from what really matters, which is spirituals growth and  developing my relationship with God.

When I rely on God directly, He fulfills (and defines!) all of my needs, which are often not what I would have guessed.  I can then just focus on what I can contribute, to Him, Jesus, and others, rather than worry about what I need (self-centered fear).  At this point I can “live usefully and walk humbly with the Lord,” which was the point all along (Jesus, as cited in Step 12)!

God can provide the thoughts I may need, if I seek Him ahead of the need itself.
…Maybe that’s why I love thinking about God so much!
In the past it seemed strange to pray to or seek Jesus when I could go straight to the Father, as the Source and Creator… But God likes for me to seek Jesus too, although not ahead of God Himself.
💋
It is a nice little pick me up during an activity to look up towards heaven and say “I love you…”  I do this all the Time, and it always helps!  It also reoriented me towards God and what really matters.  If I go to long with out this reminder, sometimes I see the activity ahead of seeing God, which displeases Him (and therefore, me too).

Tip for humility:
Say to God, when I failed to place Him first or didn’t try hard enough, or just randomly, “I’m sorry, I’ll try again!,” or “I’ll try harder!”
This prayer to God renews my motivation and vigor, especially because points me towards His direction.
Many times I feel as though instructions I receive are just ways to maintain “conscious contact” or “Christ consciousness,” so that We keep the dialogue going and I don’t forget about Them… And also so I maintain my willingness, readiness, and eagerness to follow and abide.  It seems as though, no matter what happens, if I maintain thoughts to or of God, I feel ok about difficult situations.

Ballet or AA or College Classes:
📝
It is fun seeing God as the “Unseen” teacher, and I succeed when I follow any and all suggestions I hear as if they come from Him and are meant for me (…and they do, and they are😉).  I assume that they come from Him, and that it would please Him to take heed.  This helps me to maintain humility, teachability, and a readiness to make corrections to improve.
It seems like sometimes, if I don’t actively take advice and apply it with belief in change (and then observe the improvement, which is pleasurable after working towards it), I forget that improvement, and in fact, vast improvement, is actually possible!  I like to keep up with the practice of many activities, in the very least, to practice improvement in general, aside from the skills particular to the given activity.

No matter how well I performed at the activity, if I maintained a steady orientation towards God, I feel satisfied by my work.

Tip for success after ballet:
(this applies to daily living…)
“I’m sorry!  I forgot to forget about physical discomfort!  Lol!”🎀😜

The other mantra I’ve been neglecting: “Please help me!”
This reinforces my work on Step 1, powerlessness, and humility.
…Also, He does!

Conscious Contact with God and Jesus…
Keep it Simple to start:
I love You, Thank You, Please Help me, I’m sorry, I’ll try again or I’ll try harder…
..All the Time, then let Our Love flourish!

I need blinders so I don’t worry!  Being instructed to focus on “One day at a time” solves this problem.  If it’s of the future, it is beyond my control and will naturally induce worry!  I ought not to concern myself with future issues, but rather, I ought to allot a period of time to devote to working on the issue, thus freeing me up to enjoy the present moment with peace.

God composes and comprises all of existence.  He “runs through” all things.  I need not seek things, only God.
This means I can seek God through some pretty neat methods…
The material world is not as it seems in light of direct knowledge of God.

7/28/16

I’m not supposed to consider what others think of me, my only concern is to be how I stand with God.

If I’m focusing on what I want, in the terms of a noble goal or activity, before I grasp onto God’s essence within the action, I will have to backtrack.  I must first consciously seek what He wants for me, and and then strive to work together with Him.  He is within me and within all material things as space, and as Time.
It can be a challenge to work in unison with God and Jesus through the activity, instead of rushing off to complete the activity.  Often I need help to remember to step back and maintain serenity with Them.  I often feel great inspiration for ideas to write about or activities to complete during meditation, and I need to remember that God will remind me of that idea when I can apply it at the appropriate Time.  I don’t need to frantically rush out for fear I’ll forget, God is guiding me All The Time!

Recognizing the emptiness of the material world allows me to hold on instead to the essence of God which runs through all things.  The emptiness of the material world extends to activities and actions themselves.
I try to just use daily work to grow closer to God, and see not some static, unchanging, empirical world, but instead, God, in His all of His infinite potential.

The Serenity Prayer:
“Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace…”    Work!
I can get overwhelmed, and it is nice to focus on the spirit of the serenity prayer, and just focus on the things I can do something about by exerting myself through diligent work.  I naturally desire to feel useful as a human being, so if I am not working toward progress in some manner, I am inclined to become dissatisfied, though I may not comprehend why.  I naturally need to feel a sense of momentum toward growth and change to feel as happy and fulfilled as God meant for me to feel; this is nature of the human condition, as a “teleological will to thrive.”
I had always been left dissatisfied by academic work, I sensed a sort of meaningless or futility after devoting so my of myself to it.  Being in AA is great, because I see now that the scholastic work was nice, but that it was really just a distraction from God, as any other sort of material pursuit.  What I needed to feel fulfillment was work towards spiritual progress, in the form of character development in the form of virtues, and ultimately, as the cultivation of Love.

“Acceptance is a Virtue to Develop!”
If I can’t change it, I’m just supposed to seek God for comfort, and trust it to Him, assuming I’ll receive guidance and that it will work out in His Time and in His way, not mine.
I often take refuge in working, it’s nice that it allows me a sense of control over problems through exerting an effect upon them, in the form of problem-solving!

“Don’t leave before the miracle happens!”
God will not step in to help you until you have shown that you have tried your hardest to help yourself.  Meeting God halfway is trying your hardest, and giving it your all.
I must not give up if my all doesn’t work, however, because it’s not supposed to!  Alley-oop!  This is teamwork, and this is the part where I must work Step 1 and admit defeat, taking down the guard of my own ego, thus allowing the grace of God to enter and complete the job.  This is the point at which I rely on faith, or just keep trusting God, and practice patience.  He does step in, and the fruits of labors done in this manner are good!
My Intention: “Thy Will Not Mine Be Done!”

God (John) is irascible (sort of…😜).
Jesus (Jack) is hilarious.
Tyler is “…working on it” (self-effacing).

“Taking the Lord’s name in vain” led to some “adaptations,” or “nicknames.”

I’m trying not to see what’s there, as the material world, but to look beyond it and see God.  It takes practice, and feels like floating when We get the hang of it.  It can get fanciful, kind of like my old childhood game of “stepping stones” across the backyard, pretending the grass was a bunch of crocodiles or something.

Step 10:
Practicing restraint or cognitive inhibition to help me to distinguish my own self-will from God’s will, and then restraining or inhibiting my desires or actions in order to work with God and let Him take the lead.  I need help to not rush ahead the moment I feel inspired.  The point is teamwork with God, rather than mere project completion.
We may chalk up failure as the greatest credit of all, when we see the defeat as an opportunity to let God in to help.  Working in tandem with God and Jesus is the greatest joy I have ever known, so, in this perspective, my own weakness is a grace💖!
Also, failure allows me to work on the virtues of unconditional (self)) acceptance, humility or teachability, and the willingness to try again in the face of difficulties, which are greater than any success.
Gratitude, sincere regret for wrongs, and the desire to do better and make more progress tomorrow are skills we may develop by working step 10.  I like the “mantras” or prayers of “I’m sorry, thank You, and help me,” to say to God throughout the day to maintain and develop this skill set.  I need (and Love) to keep telling God and Jesus “I Love You,” all day long to remember and reinforce my driving motive and keep selfish ones at bay.  I am in constant contact with God and Jesus so We can help each other.

“Listening is an exercise of the intellect.”
📿
The sound of Their voices is immensely calming, even if I’m being constructively criticized, lol!
…Jesus looks kinda like Maleficent. 👼

7/29/16
Step 10 Recap:
Gratitude, Willingness, and Humility:
“Gratitude, sincere regret for wrongs, and the desire to do better and make more progress are skills we may develop by working step 10. ”
The Step 10 Inventory, as conscious contact with God, as a habit or pattern to follow throughout the day, helps me to maintain gratitude, willingness, and humility.  Willingness to keep working and the belief that God will step in when I ask for help allows me to develop resilience or grit, which is a key to success from the psychological perspective.
These skills must be maintained and refined, and just voicing my intention to God, as “thank You,”(gratitude) “I’m sorry, I’ll try again,”(willingness, along with teachability*) and “please help me,”(humility) reinforces these values or virtues within myself.  They will dissipate if I do not maintain them on a daily basis with my own effort.  Spiritual progress is a trajectory maintained by work, if I am not improving, it will backslide as regression.
(*The point of willingness is to make progress toward God, and to learn, and so it is related to teachability.  Humility in action also manifests as teachability.  Humility and willingness are thus interrelated, as teachability is a necessary condition for improvement, spiritually towards God, which is basically the goal.)

“God helps those who help themselves.”

🌬7 Gifts of the Holy Spirit…💖
Restraint of Thought and Action:
Cognitive inhibition of my thoughts is achieved by persistence in meditation practices, so I can distinguish “the still small voice within” from my own thoughts.  This practice is related to behavioral inhibition, or self-restraint, and helps with spiritual progress as virtue cultivation or character development, in the gifts of Understanding, to know the difference between God’s will and self-based will, and of Knowledge, to actually know God.
Restraining my actions, as a worthwhile practice in and of itself, allows me the gifts of Understanding, to intuit God’s will in the face of conflicting messages, and also of Council, or right judgment (or prudence), to choose and actually follow God’s will.

I know I am ready to start my day and leave my altar, when after my prayers and meditation, I ask, “What can I do for You, or what do You want for me,” rather than “what do I want,” or to be led by my own self-will as a desire to do something.  I can feel self-will as distinct from God’s, after practicing noticing it by communion (guided prayer and meditation, turning into a conversation with God).  The course of the day is just a process of establishing and reestablishing an equilibrium, and reorienting towards God’s will after running slightly off the axis of alignment.  It is not perfected, it is a state of flux.
I try to wait for the self-will, which I feel as desire for a goal rather than for God directly, to subside before I start my day, so that I’m following God rather than subjecting us to a game of “catch-up.”
Sometimes communion can feel like rapturous euphoric excitement, and inspires immediate action.  Sometimes if I don’t provide love, that inspiration can feel like a stressful nervous compulsion.  I try not to act out of feeling, but rather to sit and feel it instead.  I ask God for guidance to steady that feeling within myself.  Once I feel His calm, “it gets done when it gets done,” serene, laid back energy guiding me, then I know I can move forward comfortably, in conjunction with Him.
It can be analogous to an orgasm, feeling God’s presence.  When it’s there, you won’t have to guess, you’ll know.

In AA, we see our troubles as stemming from self-will, as character defects stemming from self-centered fear, and as leading to various manifestations of sin.

“I’ll always be there when you wait for Me.”
A good spot check I often use is the question, “Am I doing this out of fear, or out of love (or the Glory of God)?”
If a thought or action is inspired by fear (or injured pride as a form as self-centered fear), I inhibit the thought or action, because it did not have pure intentions.  I then look towards God to realign my focus towards Him, as for me, He is Love.

God’s will for me is teamwork and a relationship with Himself and Jesus.  I cannot claim to know God’s will for anyone but myself, to claim to know God’s will for another is an arrogant insult to God.  Often, even with myself, I must rely upon intuition rather than direct knowledge.  If my will is aligned to His, however, He will eventually step in to clarify and help.

🎣
It can kind of feel like being tethered to a fishing line, and if I ask Him to reel me back in, He will fix me if I feel off-kilter.

Fundamentally, all is well.😜
…This is a good starting point!
Homeostasis, or an internal state of spiritual equilibrium, is better conceived of as a process than as a goal.  Sometimes “the point” is more about the method, or how something is done or achieved, than than it is about the achievement itself or what is achieved.  The point of life…
“It truly is a journey, not a destination.”
This is where intentions come into place, as they are the determinant of the goodness of an action, morally.  The “eye of God” within each individual is like a “black box” of a plane, it is recording your thoughts and represents your soul.
In this view, it is easier to see why relationships are important.  The journey is one made interdependently, so the ability to have and develop healthy mutual relationships is in integral component of living a meaningful life.

Worldly goals or material successes are erroneous, and distractions from what is truly important.  Academic achievement, in and of itself, is a worldly pursuit, and therefore, innately empty and unfulfilling.  Exercises of the intellect, however, may aid in spiritual progress, thus, academia may serve indirectly as an ancillary to spiritual training.  Spiritual pursuits are desirable as the ends in and of themselves, and their fruits are lasting.
A career is also nice so that I may feel useful, in a variety of ways, to my fellow man, in whatever ways for which I am best suited.  For me, as a result of my intellect, a sense of usefulness to my fellows is best achieved through academic contributions.
…Spiritual progress, or training, is a discipline, and involves exercising faculties of the intellect.
Listening and meditation are skills of the intellect, to be practiced, enhanced, improved and refined, limitlessly and eternally.  Meditation is listening to God.

The ability to love unconditionally, indiscriminately, and limitlessly, under any and all conditions, is achieved via our intellectual faculties, which are given to us, ultimately for this purpose, by God.

Step 10:
“It is a spiritual axiom that if I feel disturbed, I am in the wrong.”
If I allow something to throw me off course, I need to take a personal inventory and see where my work in the 12 step program, or my dependence upon God, is lacking.  Spiritual fitness, through the daily maintenance of my spiritual progress, ought to enable me to handle life on life’s terms with serenity, without allowing a disturbance to penetrate my peace of mind; I am able to do this by readily relying upon God when my own resources are insufficient, and in this way I may be susceptible to the Grace of God.
Being a child of God means letting Him lead me, call the shots, and help me to do that which I cannot do myself, without questioning His authority, but assuming only Love.  Being a child of God entails successfully working step 1 daily.

7/30/16
I practice not only communing with God and Jesus, as the natural evolution of prayer and meditation into a conversation, but the teamwork of accomplishing daily living by sharing control of my body.
“Great things will come to pass…” (AA).
“…To live usefully and walk humbly with the Lord” (Jesus, via AA, Step 12).
Mutual relationships are a necessary component of useful living.  I take pleasure in contributing, as the “beautiful paradox of altruism.”  Caritas, or Step 12 “service,” the AA term for “charity,” is a reward of working the steps and maintaining spiritual fitness, along with the Step 11 blessing and love of conscious contact with God.
I get what I need from God, the Father, so then I can look towards the world with what I can offer and contribute rather than what I would take.  Thus, a relationship with God, as a Higher Power or a “Power greater than oneself,” of the individual’s understanding, is a necessary prerequisite for loving, mutual, reciprocal relationships.
Humans are social creatures, as is God, and to seek God is to seek a relationship.  To seek God is to work in partnership, and this is also what He intends for our relationships with each other.  We are meant to give love and work together towards common goals in the spirit of progress and improvement, and the material world is merely the “medium” by which we may take part in these efforts.  We need “each other” to help and love if we wish to grow love and spread joy!  As a human being, I am a spiritual being, and my true thirst is inherently for God and “spiritual things,” as the development of my abilities as character traits or virtues.
As a human being, I have a need to feel useful and to be a “contributing member of society.”  I have always known and desired this, and it is the natural right and ability of any person to take part in human society.  Feeling useful is what allows us a sense of meaning and fulfillment in life.
As a prerequisite for being useful, I must be able to work in partnership, or in fellowship with my fellow man, rather than to try to compete with them.  I must take care of myself spiritually, so that my intentions are pure, and to maintain humility, or a desire to be merely one of many, no greater than or less than any other of my fellow man, as “right sized.”
When equipped with the virtue and desire to be on equal footing with all others, I am capable of mutual, respectful, relationships, thus enabling me to act lovingly rather than out of pride, ego, or a thirst for personal power or esteem.
I see life, or the material world, as a blank “empty” format, which, through trust and faith, I may allow God to construct and reshape as He guides me through this journey of partnership, and getting to know and love and trust each other… Evermore.

Rule Number 63…
It is incredibly calming to contemplate God and heaven above.  When I see myself from within this perspective, I am able to loosen up and relax a bit more.
“Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”
Realizing that there are things going on and that God is at work at a level beyond myself shrinks my own sense of self-importance to the point where I am no longer too overwhelmed to act without trepidation.  Seeing myself as just a small part of a great whole bestows upon me a great sense of comfort and wellness.
Then I can step back and finally laugh.
😆
…I guess I just exercised my right to be wrong, it was actually Rule #62!  Lol!
(Tradition 4, and “Moral Autonomy”)

“…The Freedom to live without fear.”

Rights:
…Freedom to exercise autonomy, as personal control or decision making and “free will” on matters concerning the individual, not on matters concerning the greater good of the “whole,” as the fellowship of the entire human race.  In matters concerning others or the whole, personal choices ought to be subject to legal judgement by the Justice System.

I need people, but I don’t need them to be any way other than as they are, because I depend upon God, not them.  I am able to accept and love them unconditionally.

😉Seeing all of time and space at once can be overwhelming.  By “division of power,” We help each other with life manageability, to “ground” each other, symbiotically.

“Home💖base, the landing pad”

🎈ᎢᎣᏝEᎡ

7/31/16
What a wonderful reliance is humility!  Knowing that “I don’t know best,” takes the weight off of my shoulders, reducing anxiety, and putting it back on God’s, where it belongs.  Trying to do His job would stress anyone out.  We humans, living in a single moment and with the finite minds of this dimension, are ill-equipped to run the world, lol!
Only God, in His Eternity and wisdom, can know what’s best all of the Time.  The more readily I work in trusting teamwork with Him, the more joy I may experience.
I can just keep my eyes on His and my problems disappear!  If I look at Him instead of my work or my problems, seeing through material existence and straight into Him as Love, any obstacle before me appears manageable.  In this way, I have tapped into the stream of Goodness that pulsates all through the existing world, that is God.
He is my best friend. No offense, Jesus.  I’m working on it!😘lol!

Goals: Take care of God and Jesus and see Them, not empty material distractions.

…And lighten up, Laugh!

I have performed my fearless and searching inventory, and examined the sources of my deepest fears, and so I already know they are fleeting feelings and empty threats.  I have felt the depths of my hurt and insecurities already, and have confronted all my painful memories.  Now, when I become fearful, I know it is basically a charlatan as there is nothing left to fear, and I can look the other way.
The very moment I feel anxiety or fear or discomfort, I must shut it out and expel it from my mind, and then refocus on what I can do for God, or what He would like.  If I allow fear into my mind, it may perpetuate.  So I can use my free will to choose God and Jesus instead!  If I feel pain, I need not fear, instead I can accept the feeling and offer comfort, and grow closer to God and Jesus as We help to soothe each other.
If I follow my own self-will I will feel the barrenness of Their absence immediately, as working in conjunction with the will of God feels extremely safe and good; so in this way, They keep me on the right track.

I’m not working towards a finite goal.  I’m working to improve upon the way in which I’m working!  I seek lateral as well as vertical progress, there are so many ways in which to improve!

I’m pretty sure the Word of God (like, the Bible) was not supposed to be translated.
Also, God used to cause His prophets to stand on one leg when delivering His Word, so onlookers would know that it was Him.  Thus… The parable of “would you sum up the Bible’s teachings for me while I’m standing on one leg?”  The moral being, “How diligent a student are you, and are you confident to relay it to Me?”

🌬Breath Retention…
Moment of Grace:🙏
If I’m not sure if I should do something or not, maybe I’ll wait and see if by working Step 3, You do it first!  I must keep the momentum with intention and breath.  If it feels impetuous, I may be rebelling.  If it feels fluid, it may be Your will.  I might just relax, step back and “let go and let You.”
If I rely upon intuition, based upon good intentions to please You and to carry out Your Will for me, and diligently persist with my best and most loving interpretation of Your will, I can usually “even out” into a natural and harmonious state of balance, as congruence or alignment with God’s will, in the feeling of “psychological flow.”
I needn’t let uncertainty or discomfort prevent action, but I may continue to determine the best course of action and work towards alignment, as I keep moving and working.  A moment to pause, focus, and think may be required periodically so that I let go of control to let in His grace.
God’s will is a “flow,” and is constantly changing, as is my will or orientation towards it.  We remain as a state of flux, as this is teamwork, and after much effort, it does become a mutual relationship.  It is up to each person to choose to channel the will of God instead of self-will.  Thus, working Step 11 to maintain “conscious contact with God,” is required to keep in the “flow of Goodness,” as He moves and changes course just like any other Person!

Mutual Relationships:
When I get what I need by depending upon God, and rely upon and nurture this  as my primary relationship, I am not driven in my dealings with others by self-centered fears of not having my needs met.  When I fear whether or not I am loved and valued, I may either race to be at “the top of the heap,” or just give up in a state of low self-esteem and dejection.
When my primary need, which is for Unconditional Love, is satisfied by my relationship with God, I don’t feel driven to prove my worthiness by displaying dominance over others, and I become capable of loving mutual relationships, and working in cooperation with others, rather than in competition or avoidance, towards common progress and the “greater good” as the well-being of the whole group.
Humility, not power, leads to happiness.
I desire being on equal footing with others rather than in a position of power because of the beauty and joy of helping each other, without needing or expecting anything in return, and taking part in harmonious relationships.  God fills my need for Love which my own self-will would fill with pride, or ego displays, or other fear-based defects of character.  My ability to enjoy “sober thinking and living” may rest upon my ability to rely upon God rather than self-will, which is evidenced by sin (as character defects) and precludes the blessing and serenity of the St. Francis Prayer’s “self-forgetting,” by allowing me to focus on contributing to my fellowship.
Realizing that I’m not supposed to be “perfect,” or “the best,” also affords me a state of comfort and peace of mind where I may act with serenity and without fear or anxiety of making mistakes, which are actually necessary for growth and learning anyway, in addition to reinforcing progress towards the virtues of teachability and humility, as ends in and of themselves.

 

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